Monday, February 8, 2010

Waiting for Liftoff

Still in a holding pattern, still waiting for liftoff. Because the EKG changes are new, I need further cardiac testing and am booked for a 2D Echocardiogram in Mississauga on February 9th at 1:30 pm—just 18 hours before my scheduled surgery. I am told that Dr. Cobourn will be at the hospital at that time so I may have an answer—Yah or Nah—shortly afterwards. I picked this cute little cat as a photo, as it represents how I feel at this moment.

Wow. This is hitting me hard. I’m almost 56 and now my heart isn’t as good as I thought it was. At 50 things seemed great even though I was overweight (ok I think I hit the obese level) but I was exercising and eating decently, just too much. So what happened? The last two years haven’t been the best. Two years ago, my mother died, but that was a relief. She had been in a nursing home for 22 years with Multiple Sclerosis which basically screwed up our family dynamics royally. Part of this stress had me on anti-depressants for 15 years. After she died I stopped the pills and didn’t think I really needed them. Work for the last while has been stressful. I work with the federal government in computers, software development and technical support and love what I do. It isn’t hard, in fact it is pretty boring at times. But it is government and 1 ½ years ago a new employee was hired to help me but caused me no end of grief. He was unable to grasp even the simplest concepts and after much complaining, he no longer reports to me. But he is still there because they can’t fire him. Enough said. It eats me that he is getting a free ride. So my stress levels and blood pressure soared. Last spring I developed plantars fasciitis and had a hard time walking, which was my exercise of choice. So it has been almost a year since I put my heart to work. My feet are better now and I was getting excited to add walking back into my life.

As the morning goes on it is strange, I don’t feel like eating. I think my brain is trying to process all this but I’m really thinking I may keel over and die of a heart attack if I let a piece of chocolate pass my lips. Still sticking to the pre-op liquid diet as it may be the only thing I can get down. If you got this far in my post, please don’t feel sorry for me as I am just in shock right now. Take this as an omen of things that may come to pass if you don’t start looking after yourself now. I notice many of you are in your 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. Taking the step to be banded is the most intelligent decision you will ever make. I wish I had known about this little band of help years ago. Hopefully I have this echo and it will show I can survive surgery to be banded. If it shows I am on deaths door (NOT!) I did tell my husband that we can take the $16,000 refund and go on a fabulous trip. NASA delayed the shuttle launch yesterday but it went off last night without a hitch. I’m hoping for the same thing—that the Launch countdown to surgery will start again.

OK enough feeling sorry for myself. Tears are wiped off my cheeks. The sun is out and it is actually warm (well -5C (23F) is warm for Ottawa in February). I think I will go shopping! Have a fabulous day because I have decided, I will too.

*******Just got this link from Jess and had to share: http://jackfit.blogspot.com/2010/02/mad-so-mad.html because it says it all! Thanks Jack (and Jess too) for saying the truth.

9 comments:

Jess said...

OMG, 23 degrees F? My car said it was 47 degrees outside on my way to work and my fingers were numb.

I'm so sorry to hear about all of your hardships. And although you vented today, you seem to generally have a positive outlook on life...which is why I follow you. You're allowed to lapse here and there. =)

And as for not knowing about the band sooner, don't dwell. Check out Jack's post about that: http://jackfit.blogspot.com/2010/02/mad-so-mad.html

Hope to hear good news from you tomorrow!

Jennifer said...

Oh, I'm sorry...that little kitty face just broke my heart. I'm thinking of you today and I hope we hear some good news tomorrow. Have a fabulous day shopping! Enjoy that sunshine!

Debi said...

Just keep breathing. Take long deep breaths. Tomorrow will give you the answers you have been waiting for. Tomorrow we will all be waiting to hear what the outcome will be.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts that tomorrow brings the answer you want, and your Surgery is still a go!

I used to work for the Government and I do understand how frustrating it can be when you have to work with someone incapable of doing their job, or doesn't want to do their job, but gets a free pass anyway.

Just keep your eye on the future and how much better it will be when all is said and done.

Hugs!

workinprogress said...

You have the most positive attitude!!!

You hang in there - I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you!

Band-Babe said...

Hope the shopping was therapeutic! And, you are right- it's amazing the difference one year can make, and it will be the same for you...

BiancaJ said...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you as well. Hope you had fun shopping and keep that positive attitude, things will work out.

Shelley said...

Fingers Crossed, and ((Hugs)).

Girl Bandit said...

Oh Sandy I saw that picture on the sidebar of another blog and thought...damn she's still waiting. Fingers crossed that you can soon start your own journey towards a healthier you. It must be a shock about the heart...I was sort of thinking more about the surgery but yes it must have been a shock. Finally I have had plantar fascitis for over a year now and one ended up being torn and I was on crutches for 5.5 months and am still in a boot. It is such a sucky injury so please take care and stretch......hopefully I will wake up tomorrow and find you are about to go under. Good luck either way

Gilly said...

Wish I had known I was practically driving right past you today! I could have helped you kill some time. I hope all goes well for you!! Fingers and toes crossed!

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