Monday, May 31, 2010

Cruisin' Blog Posts

I've been cruisin' blogs this morning and since Amy popped up on water ski's, I wandered over to her blog. She has a cute little button called 'Surprise Me' so I thought WTH. It randomly chooses a post on her blog and I got a bit carried away and kept hitting the button (sort of like getting a sugar hit) and discovered a few things that I sort of knew but not really. Here is the one that gave me a lightbulb moment and I wanted to pass on the info. Amy's Post from August 31, 2009:
  • The Lap-Band, as the device is called, squeezes the stomach into a bottom-heavy hourglass shape with an upper pouch about the size of a walnut. Filling the pouch stimulates nerves that create a sensation of fullness. The small opening to the lower stomach slows digestion to delay the onset of hunger pangs.
So now I want one of those 'Surprise Me' buttons on my blog and I hope everyone else does the same. Then we can all just get a hit and a 'Surprise Me' moment all to ourselves. Some days are just random and it is amazing what you can learn by luck.

BTW, I didn't do a BYOC last Friday because I didn't want anyone to know that I have never watched Sex and the City or seen any of the movies. I had no idea which character I most resembled so if any of you want to suggest a character, I'd be happy to act just like her. I will tell you that my favourite flower is the tulip. I don't think I have any fears about my weight loss, except maybe I will die before I lose my weight. That would suck not being able to enjoy my skinny body!

Some of you are enjoying a lovely day off today. Wish I was there. But some of us have to work. So enjoy whatever it is you are doing today.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Relationship Changes

Kristin brought up an interesting subject today. Here is the first line of her post: “I've read a few blogs lately where relationships are shifting as a result of this huge weight loss we're all experiencing.”

What surprised me was that she mentioned that there is a higher rate of divorce amongst those having WLS. Really? This started me thinking that maybe I should be concerned. Which led me to think maybe I don’t need to be concerned at all. I won’t get into a lot of intimate details about my marriage because my daughter reads my blog and I wouldn’t want her to think that her parents were sexual beings you know, so we will leave that subject completely out of this post. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.

A bit of background: I have been married for 29 years this October. You notice I didn’t say happily. Why? Because it is damn hard work being married. But looking back, I would do it all over again and most of the time we are happy. I can’t say that we are “soul mates” because I don’t really know what that means. But I wouldn’t want to be living with anyone else and I truly and deeply love him. There have been happy times, sad times, angry times, WTF times when those words “for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part” are so true. There is no marriage preparation course (and I took it against my will) that could ever prepare you for this thing called marriage.

I met my DH after moving to Ottawa to work as a nurse. I left the city where I trained because of a bad breakup with a guy. This guy cheated on me with someone we both worked with and I was devastated. Everyone else had known for months except me. I have never felt so humiliated in my life. I had to work with his new girlfriend and it made my stomach curl when I found out. It was the first time I had ever lost weight because of a guy. When it was announced that he would marry the b!tch, I took a chance and called up a guy I had met at my sister’s wedding. Our first date was watching the Federal Budget—so romantic (NOT!). We married one year later on a beautiful fall day in October, almost 29 years ago. Had I really found someone who I could trust not to hurt me? I couldn’t believe that he picked little old me. Was he some sort of freak that I hadn’t discovered yet. I found it so hard to believe I deserved him but I gave him my heart and my trust. I don’t ever want to deal with the hurt and pain of losing trust. I don’t want to be embarrassed or humiliated. I don’t want anyone to laugh at me again. I don’t want to feel like a loser. My hubby’s ring is engraved inside with “Love and Trust Always”. Guess what. My weight was pretty good around the time I was married and stayed that way until kids. Kids! Wow, what a shock to the body that is—we could eat as much as we wanted because we were feeding this new little life. Problem is my youngest is almost 25 and I’m still eating the same way. My weight has been up and down 50-60 pounds since we were married—sometimes down, sometimes up. Now kids change a marriage, let me tell you. And still we stayed married.
DH catching me when I tripped over a rock—October 10, 1981

The 90’s were tumultuous times. My hubby was laid off and began his own business which took a few years to establish. I was a stay-at-home mom who could only get part time work. We were broke and were just able to hang onto our house. I had already sunk into a depression and needed medication to “deal” with life. There were a few issues with my family and my in-laws. My DH is the oldest of 6 boys and he was the go-to guy when things went wrong in his family. His father developed Alzheimer’s and we deal with the fact that he also may eventually get it too. I decided just recently that I would stick around if that ever happened. Which means living life for today because we don’t know what will happen next year. That is why we are doing things, like travel while we can.

Almost 20 years ago, my DH lost about 40 pounds and started exercising. He is a 4th degree black belt in Karate. He runs, bikes and lifts weights. He works to keep thin. He is completely bald now and shaves the littles hairs that pop up. I think bald men are very sexy and I envy his ability to keep off the weight. When we travel together he carries our day bag and doesn’t get winded or tired from all the walking and sightseeing. When we were in St. Paul’s Cathedral in London, England last October, he climbed to the top of the dome (530 steps). I stayed on the main floor because I was too tired. He took pictures of the city and I looked at them on the camera. It just sucks that I have let myself get to where I couldn’t do the things I want to. That will change when I reach my goal.

My DH is my biggest pain in the butt but also my cherished possession. When I fall, he is there. When my daughter almost died at 9 months, he was there to insist another paediatrician be called in the middle of the night as I sobbed uncontrollably. When my flight was cancelled on a trip, he was there to deal with the agent to get me booked on a new flight. When my dad died he was in Sri Lanka and was able to make it to the funeral after a 36 hour return trip. When I yell and scream nasties at him, he yells and screams nasties right back but it is all forgotten soon after. Others think our marriage will never survive, but it does. Somehow that love and trust just builds each day. My size is not an issue with DH. When I went for the lapband consult, I sent him a text asking if he would spot me $15,000. His reply: Any amount. He wanted me to do this for me, not him. He is worried about my health, which is why I have to lose weight. My BP is elevated, and my blood results are mostly all bad—liver, sugar, cholesterol...

So in reply to Kristin’s post, who by the way wins the Shirley Temple Lollipop Award, I don’t see losing this weight as changing much in our relationship, except I will be able to do things easier. We built a solid marriage from the beginning and patched the cracks as we went along. And there will always be cracks. Is it because I don’t have huge amounts of weight to lose? I don’t think so because I still have the same insecurities carrying around an extra 75 pounds as someone with an extra 175 pounds. Some days it will suck. Some days it will be good. And in Kristin’s words “Pretty sure the Hubs is hoping it means he scores more often.” (Sorry braveheart!)

Monday, May 24, 2010

I'm Back

Just when you thought I had left, I'm back from my May Two Four long weekend away. Just finished catching up on blogs and found I had missed a lot of news. I did want to give a recognition to Fat Bastard as I found his post today about Men vs Women in the Game of Weight Loss especially interesting. Since I have so much to say, I decided to bullet my weekend.
  • I met Gilly and we had so much fun. We talked non-stop for 90 minutes. She is REAL, although I am sure most of you just think of her as a superwoman. Well she is but she is also a flesh and blood person. She brought along her sweetie-pie son, G, and he was great. I brought along a bunch of Happy Meal toys for him (ok, I admit I still drive-thru at McD's) so he didn't have to listen to grown up talk. I also apologized for saying F**k in front of him but he didn't seem to hear. LOL. And yes a 3 year old had to show me how all the toys worked as I had no idea. The laser horse was particularly interesting. Here is a picture of the two of us:
Gilly and Sandy (as taken by me - my head looks massive)
  • I had my fill on Friday and so far so good. I haven't felt very hungry and my weight is down a little bit. I am hoping this is the one that brings me to my sweet spot. I did get a bit of obstruction on Sunday with a few bites of a sandwich so will have to be careful and chew, chew, chew. What was funny, is that the nurse who did my fill told me I didn't have to stick to liquids after the fill. I was a rebel and did anyway, except for a couple of cheese slices. The wine went down way too easy.
  • I spent Friday and Saturday with my BFF. Although it rained for most of Saturday, we did lots of talking and discussing and shopping. I decided to find some clothes that actually fit and on my way home on Sunday stopped at a mall and picked up a couple of items which should get me through the next 20 pounds.
  • The drive from Ottawa to Toronto is on the main highway in Ontario, the 401. A section has been renamed the "Highway of Heroes" because every soldier that has been killed in Afganistan is taken by hearse along this highway for the two hour drive to the Coroner in Toronto. As I drove along it was hard not to remember those that have given their lives fighting for us—there have been 2 Canadian soldiers killed last week and another one today. I have added the Highway of Heroes Video about the drive home for these heroes. It is especially poignant since the 50 overpasses along this stretch of highway are packed by Canadians showing their respects. In honour of the US Memorial Day coming up this weekend, I also want to salute those that have given their lives fighting in Afganistan and other parts of the world from the US, Britain, Canada, Australia and the many other countries fighting this war. I grew up during the Vietnam War and there were so many soldiers who were not recognized for their sacrifice. I am glad that we do so today, even though our governments want it to be kept a secret.
  • Today is our Victoria Day holiday. It is 33 C (91 F) but with a humidex of 38C (100F) so just a lot of drinking going on. Thank god for air conditioning. I did buy all my flowers but will work on planting them this week. Yeah for summer. Bring it on!
Here's to a great week ahead.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Guess Who I Get to Meet?

Yesterday I posted that I was so excited because I am meeting a celebrity on Friday around noon. She has received numerous awards and has caused quite a splash over the last few months. I have my camera ready and the battery is charged. I am such a paparazzi! I'll post pictures as soon as I can. You will all be so jealous!

So the suspense is now over. I am meeting with Gilly. You know the famous wearer of ass jingles and bikinis and the recipient of numerous awards. She is a life saver (no not the candy). And yes... I am so excited to finally meet another blogger in person. Are there any questions you need me to ask her?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I'm So Excited...

...because the long weekend is almost here. The Victoria Day long weekend. Yes the Monday which falls on or before the 24th of May is a national holiday in Canada when we celebrate the birthday of the Queen of England. Generally if you ask any Canadian, only a few could name Queen Elizabeth II as our reigning Monarch. Her actual birthday is in April but Queen Victoria started it all. Yes Canada is part of the British Commonwealth along with Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, India and a bunch of other countries.

The picture is of Queen Victoria and it looks like she could have used a lapband and maybe a little drinky-poo. Victoria became Queen at age 18 and was madly in love with her husband Prince Albert but he died young and left her alone. She had 9 children and reigned over Victorian England, that age of corsets and long skirts and covering up the tata's. Now those that live in Qu├ębec won't have anything to do with the British Monarchy so they came up with another name called National Patriots Day instead so they get the holiday too. Even though they are part of Canada, they think they are a nation and thus it is "national". And the patriots are those that fought against the British. I guess the Americans can feel for that as they too fought agains the British. But I really like the Brits. So I think we should all just get along. Remember I want world peace and all that. Now you know. History lesson over.

Lets get real. What do Canadians really think about this Victoria Day long weekend. First off, It is the unofficial start of summer. It is a time of travel to the cottage in bumper to bumper traffic or camping, lots of food, BBQs, booze and fireworks. It is also known by many as the May "Two-Four" (get it? a case of 24 beer!).  We can plant our flowers as the risk of frost is gone. When I was little we called it Firecracker Day and had a weiner roast over a fire in the backyard. Now we just drink beer—Blue, Sleemans, Canadian, Guinness, Keiths and for some of us Coors Light. The label has white mountains that turn blue when it is put on ice. And we don't leave out the wine and other fruity concoctions. We throw big slabs of salmon and beef and sausages on the BBQ. The May 2-4 gives us a reason to party. Because, it is a birthday party you know. Eh?

But I'm so excited...

...because I get a fill this Friday (21st). JUST BEFORE THE LONG WEEKEND! Which means I am on liquids on Friday and probably Saturday. I am off work on Friday which means I get an extra long, long weekend of 4 days. I am driving to visit my BFF outside of Toronto and we will probably spend some time in the hot-tub, kibbitzing about losing weight and talking non-stop. Maybe a walk or two and maybe a few drinks. Beer and wine are liquids! I might not be able to post or read many blogs so you can thank your lucky stars that you get a break from my ramblings!

AND I'm so excited...

...because I am meeting a celebrity on Friday around noon. I can't tell you until Thursday, but most of you have heard of her (whoops, now you know it's a she). She has received numerous awards and has caused quite a splash over the last few months. I am trying to figure out what to wear! I have my camera ready and the battery is charged. I am such a paparazzi! I'll post pictures as soon as I can. You will all be so jealous! Come visit my blog on Thursday and I will reveal who it is.

That is why I am so excited...

And it is a long weekend and I don't have to work on Monday. So if you like, raise a toast to the Queen this weekend. I'll be sure to reciprocate and celebrate with all my American friends next weekend. Woo Hoo!

Using Food to Numb Pain

Last night I was sad and ate out of control (while watching the Biggest Loser!). I actually don't remember what I ate but did suck on at least five of those jumbo frozen pops.

It was a friend's birthday at work on Tuesday so I had a small piece of cake. She was so happy.

At 2:00 pm she got a call that her 8 month old granddaughter had died (and we don't know the cause).

Last week I felt the pain from those dealing with death and I didn't eat to take away the pain. I let myself feel the sorrow.

Last night I couldn't take the sadness anymore so I numbed it with food.

I don't feel guilty. I just felt numb. But I only ate a small fraction of what I would have eaten before the band.

Today is a new day and already my band is telling me it won't let me eat much. I love my band.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Catching Up

Being in a very mellow mood last night and nothing on TV, I decided to randomly pick a blog and read it from the beginning. When I first started reading blogs, I jumped from blog to blog and read some from the beginning but as I joined others blogs, I fell behind in my reading. On Monday, Barbara from My NEW LIFE RULES left me a comment so I clicked to her blog and ended up reading it from the beginning. I think the first post I really remember was the one she wrote about wanting a spiffy new closet back in December. I was about to post a comment back on her blog as I had jotted down a couple of notes but decided to make a post of it. On one of her posts she said “I am not a good bandster model to follow. I am still trying to figure this out.” I think we are all in the same boat. We are all trying to figure this band out. I always think of the ripple effect. Little insights from a post can have a huge impact on others but we may never know. But I’ve been stalking Barbara for months and she brings me such inspiration. I can’t wait to meet in Chicago. I apologize in advance if I got any of the following information messed up and Barbara, I hope you don't mind me revealing you.

So what did I find out about Barbara. Well… She lives in Buck’s County, Pennsylvania and just got back from a great vacay in Florida where she had a bit of a Boob slippage problem in the pool. Barbara has two lovely daughters, a couple of Yorkies (like the Queen!), a great hubby who eats her diet snacks (like mine) but built her a lovely closet for all the coats and shoes and soon to be new clothes. Believe it or not, she told us about a deer that jumped through a window of the salon where she has her hair done. I guess that is why it's called Buck’s County. She was banded on my sister’s birthday—October 29th, 2009 and is a few ounces from Onderland. I noticed she had 98 followers so maybe the stars will align, she’ll see 199 and also get 100 followers. So come and join to see if we can push her through to Onderland!

One of her first posts mentioned being on boring Six Sigma training. I’m taking the same training in a few months—and my SIL told me it would really help me understand process management and was fun. She wants a Tattoo of Tinkerbell but didn’t tell us where and we both love National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and Chocolate. She flies on business a lot and lo and behold has given the finger to a guy who made a fat comment on an airplane. You go girl! I would have said…well I think everyone knows my potty mouth. She also made me laugh when shopping for her free Thanksgiving turkey—one woman was guarding 4 turkeys and wouldn’t make up her mind. Barbara just stepped back and decided it was just a turkey. Again, I am starting to realize you can step back and chill. She ended up with a lovely fresh turkey in the end and it was free. I still wonder how Americans get free turkeys.

Anyone living on the Eastern Seaboard knows that the snowfall this year was horrendous. Barbara kept us posted on almost every blizzard and there were many. Can you believe they had more snow than us northern inhabitants here in Canada. We basked in the warm El Nino winter. Sucks to be you! Except the Philadelphia Flyers will probably beat the Montreal Canadiens in hockey this month. And now that it is summer she can get back to her love of sports. I loved the photo of her and her dad at a Phillie’s game and the slipped Boob Tube pic.

Some of her other insights and Barbara-isms:
~Live Life to the fullest
~Clothes at the Gap: Size zero stuff is just sick
~SOS—Secrets of Skinnies
~Wants to deplete all of her black clothes and add some color back into her life.
~Sometimes wants to hit the Escape Key
~Gave me hope that I would get through my plateau as she has been there too.

I guess what I get most from Barbara’s posts is her outlook on life. She has shown tremendous strength with dealing with family health problems and I think her New Life Rules—Rule! (she has them posted at the top of her blog). And last but not least, Barbara did a vlog . So now I have to practice to do one too.

We all get a little something out of blogging. I'm the first to admit, I get great support and inspiration from all of you. I am so glad we found each other.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Clothes that Fit!

I have been reading blogs off and on this morning and thinking I haven't posted for a while. Like 3 whole days. What's up? Not much. On Saturday night we invited a couple over for dinner and the party grew to a total of 7 people so I decided to cook a little Indian food and order some of the harder stuff from a local take-out place. The Beef Masala was heaven, as was the lentil casserole I made. The Chicken Tandoor which wasn't made by me was excellent. Lots of food and usually I would be stuffed for days after a feast of such proportions. But I put just over 1 cup of a bit of everything including Naan and was happily satisfied. Lots of leftovers too. I also confessed to the two couples who were there that I had the band. They seemed happy for me and not one negative comment. Still not fully out in the open, especially at work (no way, never).

Sunday was a BBQ for my BIL but I had nothing to wear but my baggy butt pants, so decided to bite the bullet and go shopping. Funny how the head doesn't seem to recognize the weight that has come off (almost 25 pounds). I carry my weight mostly in my gut and top so am still in the Large/XL tops. I've always been able to fit in size 16 pants, so grabbed a size 14 and they fit. One down, browse some more and decide to see what the size 12 pants look like. OMG. They fit! Now these are elastic waist so the muffin top isn't too bad but I was thrilled. After three stores, I ended up with 2 pairs of capris, 1 blouse and one ruffly top. I felt so pretty. I plan more shopping next weekend when I go visit my BFF in Hamilton (be warned L). All the time I was looking I kept hearing Stacey from "What Not to Wear" telling me to get out of my comfort zone of blacks and navy blue and try something different. Now I need to go bra shopping for the girls. YUK!

All this shopping made me a bit late for the BBQ but I was feeling pretty good in my new clothes. I even put on makeup—on a weekend! Pulled back 3 beers and then just a bit of a sausage, salad and a small piece of cake. Today, I wore another of the outfits and am feeling rather subdued for some reason. I think I am still trying to get my head around the smaller fitting clothes. I have been living in baggy butt pants and tops for so long, it feels good to have stuff that fits. So my advice to anyone who has lost weight—go out and try on some smaller clothes. Even if you don't buy them, it will really give a boost to your brain. There were probably 5 things I wanted to buy for later but realized I could wait—there will be even more selection when I get off the next 20 pounds, and the next 20 pounds.

I also felt good that the band was limiting the amount I could eat. I am taking the advice from Women Food and God (by Geneen Roth) and trying to eat when I'm hungry not because I'm sad, or upset, or happy, or whatever. I am truly thinking before I eat but need much more practice. I am down just a tiny little bit of weight (<1 pound) but have a fill scheduled for Friday afternoon. This one should do it and then I'll get moving downward again. My membership at the gym starts on June 1st, so am hoping some weights and the treadmill will be my friend. I might even try some of the classes that they offer. Got to get out of my comfort zone.

That's it. That's all. Happy Monday!

Friday, May 14, 2010

BYOC-Friday

It’s another Friday episode of BYOC (Bring Your Own Craziness) where we answer just 5 questions (some funny, some serious) in order to learn more about our fellow bloggers whether they are old or new followers.

1. If you could be a cartoon character – who would you be and why? Wilma from the Flintstones. She always had this cute little waist and knew how to keep Fred in line (even though he didn't know it). And she birthed cute little Pebbles (not sure how but she did).

2.. Who was your teenage heart throb? This one makes me think. It was so long ago. But I loved The Monkees and had posters all over my room. This was the sixties when everyone was drooling over the Beatles and Elvis. I liked my Monkees.

3. Do you believe being overweight is about a mental obstacle or do you believe it’s simply about overeating/food? Both. No I guess I have to explain. This week has not been the best week emotionally and mentally. Death of two of my son's friends and the death of Jacquie's father and BIL hit me hard. I have had a crappy week at work with my F'ing incident. I had to have a little discussion about that with my director about unprofessional behaviour but he is leaving it up to me if I want to apologize. And he is going to try to find me another position. I had a lot of tears and a lot of wanting to eat because of all these terrible things happening. But I couldn't eat and I didn't eat. I let the emotions run their course and guess what, my weight is down a bit. What got me thinking about this is reading the book "God Women Food" by Geneen Roth. I am only through the first two chapters but the gist of it is, if you use food to numb your pain, it becomes your drug. Sometimes you have to just feel the pain. Now I love my food and wine and will probably never get too skinny because of that. I want to live, understand that I can't dull the pain with food or booze and know that the pain won't kill me. I can't wait for chapter 3-maybe I'll have another epiphany.

4. What’s your all-time favorite song? "The Rose" by Bette Midler. I walked down the aisle to that almost 29 years ago. I used to play the 45 over and over again (that's those little records). It became my anthem while trying to sort out my life in my mid 20's—breaking up with a real jerk, moving to a new city, starting a new job. And in all of this, found the love of my life when I wasn't really looking. I had to post the lyrics:

  Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed.
  Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed.
  Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need.
  I say love, it is a flower, and you its only seed.

  It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.
  It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.
  It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give,
  and the soul afraid of dyin' that never learns to live.

  When the night has been too lonely and the road has been to long,
  and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong,
  just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows
  lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose.

5. Whose blog or comment spoke to you/stuck with you this week and why? This is our “you get to be famous for a moment” without having to follow all the rules of an official blog award question. Now you all know I post my Lollipop award to the one blog that was most inspirational. It was tough this week. I am heartbroken about Jacquie losing her father and BIL in a motorcycle accident and you could feel the relief when she posted that her hubby was home. 

I had a lot of comments with my Word for Today is F**K and I appreciate that I am not alone. I also posted some of my old pictures and decided I looked pretty good. But then a few other posts jumped out at me, as I struggled through this week. Jess had the sweetest vlog and Gail actually jumped out of a perfectly fine plane and lived to tell how exciting it was. But the one that tickled my thought process most and is getting the Lollipop award was to our dear Drazil for Thank You Very Much, but I'll Take Sticks and Stones. You can see hers and some of the other links on the right column.

As I mentioned above, I have been down in the dumps this week. I have been reading blogs but haven't felt much like writing any posts (well I guess I did a couple). This feeling the emotions is hard work but I think it will be worth it. And I'll be reading more of Geneen Roth's book this weekend.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

It's IVGLDSW Day!

Today is International Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman's Day! That's me and I am making sure the rest of you know that you are included too. Sorry guys. Drazil will have to think up an acronymn to describe men. And remember:
   ~Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened.
   ~Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.
   ~I refuse to think of them as chin hair. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
   ~Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
   ~If you can't be a good example ~ then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
   ~When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!
Yes I'm being a bit reflective today but I did receive a wonderful Performance Evaluation from my manager—no not one of the f****ing acting managers I mentioned yesterday. So life is good and I didn't need another pill! Going to try pizza tonight just to see if I really have restriction. My weight is down slightly. For breakfast I had a piece of toast with peanut butter and it took a lot of chewing and about 20 minutes to get it down. Lunch was a small bowl of chili and a small bun. The chocolate bar went down great but the small handful of nuts made their presence known. So we'll see how the pizza goes. I know I feel some restriction but I don't think it is enough. My next fill is in 10 days when I get to meet Gilly IN PERSON. I wonder if she'll wear her bikini. And BTW, Gilly has now let me know I am highly obese. Can't get any worse. Damn apple shapes. 

Monday, May 10, 2010

Word for Today is F**K

Today I said the F-word so many times, my brain was tired. It started by telling my acting manager that this place was F***ing insane. Then I walked by the guy who will be acting manager in two weeks and told him he could just F*** off and so could the other guy. Then I left and went for a two hour drive and cried the rest of the afternoon. They are all a bunch of F***ing assholes. When the manager is away, what gives these guys the right to change everything without consulting the people (me) who do the work!! I guess I should have gone on their morning coffee walks for their double doubles (that's a reference to a trip to Tim Horton's our local coffee/donut shop where coffee means double cream, double sugar). Maybe then I would have been "in the loop". I was so upset tonight that I had to take an anti-anxiety pill. This is me on an anti-anxiety med and the F-word is still coming out. Don't worry, I won't lose my job. I am unionized and work for the government. There are at least 5 other deadbeats ahead of me that should go and they can't get rid of them. Just wanted to vent. I tried stroking the cat but I think after 4 hours he is a bit tired of being stroked and started to scratch and bite me.

I wanted to add a few pictures I scanned. This is from 1996 but I am still shocked how big I look. I think it was Gen who mentioned she has a skinny camera. I want it, so she better watch out in Chicago or it will go missing in my purse. This photo was taken with one of those old cameras that used film.
This next one is me in 1969 just before joining TOPS (Take off Pounds Sensibly). I was 15. We had to squat in front of a pig cutout if we gained weight. Lost about 40 pounds though and was the division winner for a teenager. I wrote a post about that experience. The first one in colour, I think I weighed about 176 pounds and one in black and white with my banner in the 130's, in 1972.
And here is one of me as a newlywed in 1981. This would have been the smallest I had ever been, just around 130 pounds.
I'll be posting more as I get them scanned in. I find it helpful to look back. Because sometimes, I now see that I didn't look that bad.

Tomorrow I will find a better Word of the Day. May need more drugs.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Tulips

I am going to start this with a confession that Mother’s Day has never meant that much to me. Of course my kids did the “Brekkie in Bed”, handmade gifts and as they got older a few Brunches, cards and bouquets of flowers. My mother died a few years ago, but there were years where I didn’t even pick up the phone to say Happy Mother’s Day. I do remember her at the strangest times, usually when I am baking cookies or when glancing through old pictures. We didn’t have the best of relationships in her final years but she did the best she could with the life she was given. Since my kids were born, I think of them on this day. They are healthy and vibrant and I love being around them (most of the time!). Sorry about the next part of this post as it will be a bit sad but I need to get this off my chest.
My son got up this morning and with tears in his eyes tells me that two friends of his were killed yesterday in a car accident. They were both 18 years old. I hugged him because there were no words to say. My mind was racing, that here were two young souls whose mother’s were now in terrible pain. My son then said, he was going to get me some flowers (you know for Mother’s Day) but hadn’t and wanted to get to church early to be with his friends to grieve. Of course I said I didn’t care about flowers, I was just glad that he was still alive. As I stared out the window, I noticed my tulips in the front garden, so I grabbed my scissors and cut a bunch for the table. They look bright and cheery and I don’t need a bouquet bought from a store.

And since early this morning I have been struggling with seeing my son in pain and what we as mothers really are. It is more about always being there for them through the good times and the bad. To give out hugs unconditionally. Sort of like a marriage where we pledge for better or for worse, in sickness and health. It isn’t about the cards and flowers and gifts. We are there for our kids no matter what and would probably give up our life if a choice had to be made. Can anyone ever get over the loss of a child.

Years ago good friends of ours lost their 8 year old daughter. The little girl had gone to bed with a bad cold and didn’t wake up the next morning—she died sometime during the night. What made it even worse for this family is that her father was (and is) a doctor. They have two other amazing kids who they love deeply but on Mother’s Day, there must still be an ache for the lost daughter.

Another friend agonized over her daughters cocaine and alcohol addiction and paid a fortune to take her to rehab. Her daughter didn’t stay for the full time but is recovering. It really is a day at a time and so far so good. My friend also lives day by day because addiction is heartbreaking for the entire family. Again, a mother doing everything she can, even going into debt, for a child.

Another friend is coming to terms with her son and girlfriend having a baby out of wedlock. They are both 20, have very low paying jobs and it is a struggle. My friend agonizes over the fact that they didn't do it right—get a good job, get married, get a house, be secure, then have babies just like her. Life doesn't always come out the way we want. They got pregnant and it isn't the baby's fault. The baby is now 2 months old, sweet as a button and I hope my friend will be able to fully appreciate this new life. 

Today, as I read a lot of blogs talking about mom’s, both those that are alive and those that have died, I realize it is in remembering our mom’s that makes the day special. And if you are a mom, it is also worrying over our kids because that is just part of the job. So I hope your day brings you some sunshine and some smiles. And cherish the funny little pencil holders, or hand prints, or homemade cards. I have my bouquet of tulips.

Friday, May 7, 2010

BYOC Friday

BYOC Friday! This means we answer 5 questions you wouldn't normally blog about – some fun, some serious – in an effort to get to know each other better. You’ll see BYOC blogs all over blogland today so join the party if you wish! Because Mama Pimp told us to.

1. Do you have any nicknames? Nope. Well my mother did call be Salmon when I was little but I have no idea why. And of course my dad called me Bonehead sometimes. Sandy is as good as it gets because most people call me Sandra.
Update: I was just informed I am AKA Mama. Oh and my BFF calls me Sam. No idea why.

2. What was your "last straw"? The incident/situation that made you decide to get a lap band or commit to losing weight via any plan this time? My older sister told me she was pre-diabetic. I seem to follow the same health problems as her almost like clockwork so knew I’d be a diabetic soon. I sent an e-mail to the Surgical Clinic asking for information about the lapband and was banded shortly afterwards.

3. What's your favorite joke or funny story? Since I really needed a laugh (because some of you have been way too serious or absent this week—I miss explosive man!), I had to go through my joke pile. So I will leave you with two.

Sneezing Panda
In honour of Mother’s Day—this just goes to show that all mothers take things in stride.


This is one of my favourites and just goes to show that men and woman are so completely different. I bet you can relate too.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror—make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth,  long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
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HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

4. If you could be a TV dinner - what flavor would you be? Lean Cuisine because, you know, we are all watching our portions! OK, I’d have to make my own. Yorkshire pudding with butter and gravy and half a baguette smothered in butter. No meat, no protein. Carbs—Yummm!

5. The question we do every week so everyone can be a little famous without having to do an official blog award...what blog or comment stuck with you or spoke to you the most this week and why? I waited til Friday to announce my Lollipop award goes to Amanda and her post on Enough, because she exuded such positivity. Looking on the brightside, cup half full and all that jazz. Click on Shirley to go to her post. And my daughter, Braveheart, because she left me a nice comment on one of my posts. There were some other posts too that really made me think this week—they are listed on the right side. You also have to go and see the vlog that Grace did so I could get a funny story. Long but funny.

OK guys, I will need some guidance for doing a vlog. What's with everyone filming in  the bathroom. Is this like the best place for sound and light? I'm going to have to redo my bathroom first so it looks like a movie set! I promise I will try a vlog before Chicago, just so everyone will actually know who I am. Scared crapless though.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Fill Effects and Great Kids

I had a small fill on Monday and so far am not sure if I feel much different. My weight is down slightly (< half a pound) so will have to wait and see. This morning I decided to get an egg and toast from the cafeteria at work. I was eating with one of my co-workers and started to feel a bit stuck so stopped eating and began chatting like crazy so he wouldn't notice me not eating (this is normal for me!). When I looked at my plate I realized I had scarfed half a piece of the toast without thinking. After a minute or two I was able to finish most of the egg and another bit of toast but chewed it to pulp. I usually don't eat so early in the morning but wanted to try some solids. I find breakfast hard to figure out because I get ravenous by 10:30 in the morning if I only eat a bit of oatmeal or a protein shake. We'll see if this keeps me satisfied for 4 hours.

Last night my hubby and I went to a local pub. Of course the food there sucks so I started on a pint of beer. Yeah! I can drink beer again (hmmm—maybe that's why my weight isn't down much). I ordered a bowl of taco soup and an order of sweet potato fries. The server came back to say they only had a half order of fries left, but they will make them for me and not charge me. Another karma moment. I really only wanted half an order and was going to make hubby eat most of them anyway. So I got my small taste and didn't have to pay for them. Yeah again.

I have been keeping up with many blogs this week even if I haven't commented too much. But I am worried. I haven't seen many funny posts, you know the ones that have you spitting water out the nose. I am getting a bit down and need some cheering up, so come on guys, I need my daily laugh. I know you can do it! Let's get our funny on.

I had never heard of Cinco de Mayo that everyone was talking about yesterday but am always up for a good party. We can make anyday a celebration. This Sunday is Mother's Day in Canada (always the 2nd Sunday of May) for those wondering. Not sure what we will be doing that day, but my daughter (braveheart) did leave me a lovely comment on one of my posts, so I am posting it for everyone to see.

"To all those who follow my mom and are BOOBs (I love that acronym btw), congratulations on your journey. It is a choice that was most likely hard to make, but once you commit to something (whether banding or another option), you must stick with it and draw inspiration from those around you to stay committed. I hope my mom is one of those people for you, I know she is for me."

I have great kids! Which means, I don't need to get a card because that comment was better than any Hallmark. Sometimes Mother's Day is also a day to appreciate the good in our kids. They got there because of us. Although I did call her and ask her if she really meant it! Her answer was yes, so it made my day.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Plateauland, Inches Lost and a Fill

I have been in plateauland for the last month, down a measley 1 pound for the month of April. But I’ll take it because at least I didn’t gain!

Feeling a bit frustrated (even with everyone’s kind words that it will get better), I decided to take my measurements. WOW! My starting measurements were January 5th, 2010 and 4 months later I have lost a total of 19 inches. I am most proud that my beer belly is down significantly. My pants are also sliding off my butt and I am now into clothes that I haven’t been able to wear for years. Another 10 pounds and I will need a small shopping trip for some summer clothes. I hope everyone took their starting measurements as it gives such a boost. My stats are at the bottom of my blog. And no, this picture isn't of me. I'm not blond.

I had a fill on Monday afternoon and hope this restarts the weight loss. It was a tiny 0.25 cc added which means I am still under 4 cc in a 10 cc band. I have to take it slow as I had problems going up too fast. I was on liquids last night and have had scrambled eggs and toast this morning. So far I haven’t felt a lot of hunger and hope it holds.

Best news is that I have booked the hotel room for Chicago minutes ago. 4 months, 2 weeks, 6 days to go!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Braveheart #101

Overnight, two followers joined my blog bringing me to 101 and I decided I wanted to introduce them. By coincidence both are from Ottawa.

#100 is Vickie who was banded April 16th and her blog is Digital Diva Lap-Band Blog. I was scanning LBT last night and saw a question from her about local support groups and sent her a message. She is just getting on Blogger but you can still visit her and leave a link to your blog. 

#101 is braveheart, has not been banded and wants to be anonymous. Within 5 minutes I knew who it was. To see if you can guess here are some hints:

  ~I have known her for over 27 years.
  ~She has the same middle name as me.
  ~The first Christmas present she got was a Care Bear.
  ~She is the recipient of one of my new Coach purses.

So I am outing her right here on my blog. It is my daughter, aka Braveheart, which will now be her name in cyberspace. How did I know—well Braveheart was the name she had while in sorority at university (they were big into Care Bear names). I also noticed that the only blog she had joined was mine. Hmmm. I had a feeling, so sent her an e-mail and asked. Mom’s just know.

Now I will have to be careful about what I write, although I don't think that will ever happen—I tell it like it is. Maybe I should get her to do a vlog like Jen's daughter. I’ll have to always mention what a fantastic daughter she is and how proud I am that she is mine. Well I guess that IS true. I wasn’t sure how she got the link until I remembered I had sent it to her friend’s mother, who was banded last year (thank you Mme. S.). I am actually glad she can now read my thoughts as I sometimes don’t hear from her for weeks. But next Sunday is Mother’s Day (hint-hint)!

Thanks to all my followers and to those who follow me but keep anonymous (like my BFF—L.). This journey would be hard if not for you. If you are following me but I am not following you, please, please leave a comment with a link to your blog. I would love to hear about you too!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Saturday Morning—BYOC

Who will be my 100th follower? Next one to join is it and I am waiting patiently for them to appear!

Now on to BYOC (Bring Your Own Craziness):
1. What’s your favorite smell? Coffee on a morning when I can sit and read my paper. I love a good cup of strong, black coffee. I used to live near a store that roasted coffee beans and would revel in the smell from the roasters. Why doesn’t coffee taste as good as it smells. Add cinnamon buns baking in the oven and my senses would be in overdrive.

2. What is your all-time favorite movie and why? The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I think I have watched each one at least 20 times and can’t get enough of Viggo Mortenson. It's fantasy and I get to escape real life for a few hours.

3. What’s your trigger food? Chocolate. I’ll say no more.

4. When someone you love is going through a difficult time – what are your go-to words to make them feel better – in just a sentence or two? I am usually speechless but let them talk and I listen. Lots of hugs are usually given when I don’t know what to say.

5. Who is your nominee for the blog of the week for YOU? See my Thursday Post but I was moved by Lonicera's post about gaining inspiration from other bloggers.
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