Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Using Food to Numb Pain

Last night I was sad and ate out of control (while watching the Biggest Loser!). I actually don't remember what I ate but did suck on at least five of those jumbo frozen pops.

It was a friend's birthday at work on Tuesday so I had a small piece of cake. She was so happy.

At 2:00 pm she got a call that her 8 month old granddaughter had died (and we don't know the cause).

Last week I felt the pain from those dealing with death and I didn't eat to take away the pain. I let myself feel the sorrow.

Last night I couldn't take the sadness anymore so I numbed it with food.

I don't feel guilty. I just felt numb. But I only ate a small fraction of what I would have eaten before the band.

Today is a new day and already my band is telling me it won't let me eat much. I love my band.

16 comments:

Band-Babe said...

Hugs. You've had quite a bit to deal with. I'm so happy you're being gentle with yourself and your emotional reactions. I believe that by doing that, you will gain the ability to react in non-food ways.

tessierose said...

I'm so sorry for your pain and your friends. Life is so fragile and so unpredictable. So, I'm glad you are not going through the guilt door.
Big hug!

Kristin said...

Oh God, what a horrible horrible loss. That's a big challenge, Sandy. Just keep chipping away and eventually you'll find you're aleady there. (At least, I really hope that's how it's gonna go.)

Take care.

Barbara said...

Oh Sandy.. I think it is the shock to our system that does it.. how do we process heart ache.. do we eat do we not eat.. do we do something else.
Hope you find that gentle balance, and find some alone time to take a walk. be well and hugs to you.

Lonicera said...

That's so sad, Sandy - a life hardly begun.

It's wonderful the way the band still (in a way) looks after you, so there's always damage control.

Although I can no longer binge, there's one area I do have to be ultra careful with, as I discovered in Argentina last year, and that's icecream. The only damage control for me there is my diabetes: although insulin will bring blood glucose down, that much sugar still has other unpleasant effects, a reminder about being mortal.

Thinking of you.

Caroline

Janice said...

I think that is the good thing about the band, it gives us some control, yet we don't have to think that we will be "perfect" (whatever that is) for the rest of our lives. Not perfect, just better. :) Despite all the stresses of the week, you have been "better." Hugs!

Nella said...

I am so sorry...
If it helps, I ate too much crap yesterday as well and then felt gross...

Chocolate Bar
STrawberry Shortcake
Chips and Dip...you'd think I would stop there. NOPE!
Klondike Bar!

Finally I said, f--k this, going to bed!
I had to remind myself that this is a new day and a fresh start!

workinprogress said...

I'm so sorry to hear your news.

A death is horrible fullstop. But the death of a little baby is unimaginable.

*hugs*

Bonnie said...

I'm sorry you have so much to deal with. Hope you are past it soon. Take care.

amandakiska said...

Sorry you're having a hard time, but these things you are dealing with would be tough for anyone! I'm sending hugs from Eugene, Oregon, USA.

Drazil said...

My God - that's terrible. My heart is breaking for her and for you. You're going to be okay - keep blogging - keep reaching out - our love will pull you through even your darkest hours...never forget that.

Joey said...

That's awful. Glad you aren't beating yourself up over it.

Linda said...

I am sorry for your friend and you - what a loss. I'm glad you started the day fresh - no guilt.

Gen said...

So sorry, I can't imagine. You have absolutely the right attitude about moving on after an episode of emotional eating. This is half the battle! Feel better.

THE DASH! said...

xx You've had a lot to deal with - and oh :( to the little baby leaving this world. How sad. I hope you get through all this. Hugs to you xxx

Girl Bandit said...

I am so sorry....you are having so much to deal with atm. Life doesn't make sense does it???? 8 yrs old???

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...