But this will now be my decade, 2010-2019. No name to it yet but then we didn’t have a name for the first part of the century either. Guess I’ll call it my “healthy decade”. Just under 6 weeks to go before my surgery. This is my time for a lot of soul searching. I take such inspiration from others who blog about their pre and post banding experiences—some serious insights, some hilarious—that I have hope again.
Funny with little to do today, I started thinking back on all the years (and there are many) of “dieting”. I was always the biggest child in my family of 5 kids but I don’t really remember it being a problem. My sister, 18 months younger was really skinny and I used to hear the comments about how I took all the fat and left her with none. When I was 11, my family doctor (the all-knowing physician) put me on amphetamines and I promptly buzzed off 25 pounds. Funny when they took away the speed, it came back and more. By the time I was 16 I weighed over 170 pounds. By the way, my skinny sister weighed about 100 pounds at that time.
I really don’t remember how I got clothes to fit. I know my mother sewed a lot so I guess she made me stuff and I think Sear’s had their husky section. There were no hand-me downs for me as everyone we knew was thin. During the 60’s we wore dresses to school. NO JEANS allowed. And pants were for the guys. By 1970 in grade 10 there was a mini revolt and girls could wear not only pants, but jeans. I don’t think I did though—those were the Twiggy days and I doubt they made size XL for teens. That year (16 years old) I joined TOPS. I went with a neighbour and I was able to lose 30 pounds, partly because all the old fat ladies made me feel really important and special. I was the second of 5 kids and my mother wasn’t the “I love you” type. In fact it wasn’t until she was in her 70’s that she was able to say those words to us—after practicing for months with my aunt.
I think some of my weight loss happened because I had to walk a mile to and from high school and my mother stopped making my breakfast and lunches for me. I liked to sleep in and didn’t eat more than a piece of toast and a sandwich made with tuna until dinner. Being in TOPS was an experience. When you arrived at a TOPS meeting, you were weighed each week privately. If you lost, you got a badge shaped like a Top to wear. If you stayed the same, you got a green Turtle badge and if you gained you got a pink Pig badge to wear the rest of the night. After making the pledge that you were an “intelligent person”, we would each announce our weight results. If you gained you had to kneel in front of this big cardboard pig as everyone oinked and recite a poem which started out as “Mrs. Pig, Mrs Pig…” but I have forgotten the words or pushed them deep into the area of the brain along with all the other humiliating experiences over the years. If anyone remembers them, I would love to hear the poem again. I’m pretty sure they stopped the practice as I joined another TOPS club in the 90’s and don’t remember that being done.
So in hindsight, speed and humiliation really don’t work that well for permanent weight loss. After all the years (45), all the diets too numerous to list, but you all know them well, the weight loss drugs, the gym memberships and aerobics classes there really is only one answer:
*****Don’t eat so much*****
It really is that simple. Problem is my brain doesn’t get the message until I have demolished an entire pan of brownies or a bag of chips. This is my hope that the band will help me with this part of eating. During the 90’s I was on the Fenfluramine pill (Fen-Phen) and it was the only time in my life that I FORGOT TO EAT! It worked and I didn’t eat very much but when it was banned and I lost my crutch, the pounds returned with a vengeance. I got the fat gene and have to live with that. I can’t eat as much as other people and I have to live with that. Pregnancy fat (baby fat) is no longer an excuse especially since my youngest is 24 years old. I don’t lose weight by exercising but I love to exercise knowing it will probably help keep me healthy and I can live with that.
So today I raise a toast to a new decade and to my new life with the lapband.