BYOC Friday! This means we answer 5 questions you wouldn't normally blog about – some fun, some serious – in an effort to get to know each other better. You’ll see BYOC blogs all over blogland today so join the party if you wish! Because Mama Pimp told us to.
1. Do you have any nicknames? Nope. Well my mother did call be Salmon when I was little but I have no idea why. And of course my dad called me Bonehead sometimes. Sandy is as good as it gets because most people call me Sandra.
Update: I was just informed I am AKA Mama. Oh and my BFF calls me Sam. No idea why.
2. What was your "last straw"? The incident/situation that made you decide to get a lap band or commit to losing weight via any plan this time? My older sister told me she was pre-diabetic. I seem to follow the same health problems as her almost like clockwork so knew I’d be a diabetic soon. I sent an e-mail to the Surgical Clinic asking for information about the lapband and was banded shortly afterwards.
3. What's your favorite joke or funny story? Since I really needed a laugh (because some of you have been way too serious or absent this week—I miss explosive man!), I had to go through my joke pile. So I will leave you with two.
In honour of Mother’s Day—this just goes to show that all mothers take things in stride.
This is one of my favourites and just goes to show that men and woman are so completely different. I bet you can relate too.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror—make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
4. If you could be a TV dinner - what flavor would you be? Lean Cuisine because, you know, we are all watching our portions! OK, I’d have to make my own. Yorkshire pudding with butter and gravy and half a baguette smothered in butter. No meat, no protein. Carbs—Yummm!
5. The question we do every week so everyone can be a little famous without having to do an official blog award...what blog or comment stuck with you or spoke to you the most this week and why? I waited til Friday to announce my Lollipop award goes to Amanda and her post on Enough, because she exuded such positivity. Looking on the brightside, cup half full and all that jazz. Click on Shirley to go to her post. And my daughter, Braveheart, because she left me a nice comment on one of my posts. There were some other posts too that really made me think this week—they are listed on the right side. You also have to go and see the vlog that Grace did so I could get a funny story. Long but funny.
OK guys, I will need some guidance for doing a vlog. What's with everyone filming in the bathroom. Is this like the best place for sound and light? I'm going to have to redo my bathroom first so it looks like a movie set! I promise I will try a vlog before Chicago, just so everyone will actually know who I am. Scared crapless though.