Sunday, May 9, 2010

Tulips

I am going to start this with a confession that Mother’s Day has never meant that much to me. Of course my kids did the “Brekkie in Bed”, handmade gifts and as they got older a few Brunches, cards and bouquets of flowers. My mother died a few years ago, but there were years where I didn’t even pick up the phone to say Happy Mother’s Day. I do remember her at the strangest times, usually when I am baking cookies or when glancing through old pictures. We didn’t have the best of relationships in her final years but she did the best she could with the life she was given. Since my kids were born, I think of them on this day. They are healthy and vibrant and I love being around them (most of the time!). Sorry about the next part of this post as it will be a bit sad but I need to get this off my chest.
My son got up this morning and with tears in his eyes tells me that two friends of his were killed yesterday in a car accident. They were both 18 years old. I hugged him because there were no words to say. My mind was racing, that here were two young souls whose mother’s were now in terrible pain. My son then said, he was going to get me some flowers (you know for Mother’s Day) but hadn’t and wanted to get to church early to be with his friends to grieve. Of course I said I didn’t care about flowers, I was just glad that he was still alive. As I stared out the window, I noticed my tulips in the front garden, so I grabbed my scissors and cut a bunch for the table. They look bright and cheery and I don’t need a bouquet bought from a store.

And since early this morning I have been struggling with seeing my son in pain and what we as mothers really are. It is more about always being there for them through the good times and the bad. To give out hugs unconditionally. Sort of like a marriage where we pledge for better or for worse, in sickness and health. It isn’t about the cards and flowers and gifts. We are there for our kids no matter what and would probably give up our life if a choice had to be made. Can anyone ever get over the loss of a child.

Years ago good friends of ours lost their 8 year old daughter. The little girl had gone to bed with a bad cold and didn’t wake up the next morning—she died sometime during the night. What made it even worse for this family is that her father was (and is) a doctor. They have two other amazing kids who they love deeply but on Mother’s Day, there must still be an ache for the lost daughter.

Another friend agonized over her daughters cocaine and alcohol addiction and paid a fortune to take her to rehab. Her daughter didn’t stay for the full time but is recovering. It really is a day at a time and so far so good. My friend also lives day by day because addiction is heartbreaking for the entire family. Again, a mother doing everything she can, even going into debt, for a child.

Another friend is coming to terms with her son and girlfriend having a baby out of wedlock. They are both 20, have very low paying jobs and it is a struggle. My friend agonizes over the fact that they didn't do it right—get a good job, get married, get a house, be secure, then have babies just like her. Life doesn't always come out the way we want. They got pregnant and it isn't the baby's fault. The baby is now 2 months old, sweet as a button and I hope my friend will be able to fully appreciate this new life. 

Today, as I read a lot of blogs talking about mom’s, both those that are alive and those that have died, I realize it is in remembering our mom’s that makes the day special. And if you are a mom, it is also worrying over our kids because that is just part of the job. So I hope your day brings you some sunshine and some smiles. And cherish the funny little pencil holders, or hand prints, or homemade cards. I have my bouquet of tulips.

13 comments:

Amanda said...

beautiful post..

Gen said...

I love this post. Thank you. Today in church we said a prayer for all the mothers who have lost children.

Thanks for sharing this. And enjoy your tulips!

Linda said...

Sandy - I'm so sorry for your son. He's so young to be going through that. I can't imagine being those parents...
What a nice post being a Mom is wonderful and heartbreaking and everything in between.

-Grace- said...

I am so sorry for your son's loss. It is so hard to lose friends at such a young age in such a sudden, unexpected way.


This is a beautiful post, Sandy. Thanks for sharing it.

Nella said...

Amazing! Happy Mother's Day and hope you have a blessed one!

Ali said...

Beautiful post, Sandy! I am so sorry for your son's loss.

Happy Mother's Day to you. I consider myself blessed to call you a friend! :-)

Jacquie said...

Great post Sandy, so true. I lost my 20 year old niece 10 years ago to cancer and I think about my BIL and SIL always on Mothers and Fathers day and think all these thoughts you just wrote about. I posted today about my kids being in NY and me being in FL and how much I miss them but the difference is, I can see them or talk to them whenever I want. So many mothers cannot.

Bonnie said...

So true.

Barbara said...

Sandy, such a touching post... reminds us all how precious life is.. it is so painful to hear these stories, but to know how close it touches home only magnifies that feeling.

Count our Blessings.. and hug our loved ones..

You are a good MOm.. hugs to you

Kristen said...

So true..we give our children a piece of our heart when they're born ..and we're always thinking of them.

Your life is never the same ..for good and for not so good..

Great post.

THE DASH! said...

Ohhh, Sandy :( Both a beautiful poignant post and yet so sad. Our children are so precious and to lose one - well, it doesnt bare thinking about. My heart goes out to these families in pain. With your guidance and love, your son will come through this. xxx

Jess said...

Your kids are lucky to have you.

Girl Bandit said...

Just catching up Sandy and am so thankful for your post. I am so sorry for your son and for your friends...the ones that struggle for their kids and the ones who don't see the gift they have been given

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