Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Unspoken, I Love You's

Sometimes you read a post and just know you have to write something. Again, lovely Drazil got me today. Her Candy for the Soul post hit a spot. If you didn't read it, go now. It's about showing love without the words.

As many of you know, I am a bit older than most of you. Not much, but a bit. LOL. As a kid, I don't remember anyone in my family saying "I Love You" but I had a great childhood. Sure I was fat but it was an ok childhood. I do remember my mom giving my dad a quick kiss when he went to work and also her giving us a kiss goodnight but I don't remember those words.

'I Love You' became very important as I grew up. I remember waiting to hear those words from a boyfriend, but none did. Until my DH came along. He said it first. And I still remember that butterfly feeling in my stomach. Someone actually loved me. Of course I said it back and still do. As my kids came along, I knew it was very important for me to tell them 'I Love You' as much as I could.

But never from my mother and never from my father. I knew they grew up in an era that avoided those words but never really understood. I don't remember my MIL or FIL saying them either.

Then a few years before my mom died at age 79, she said 'I Love You'. It was probably the hardest three words she could ever say to her 5 children. It was an innocent comment from my son that gave her that courage.

My mom used to call about once a month on a Sunday. I wasn't always home and one day, my son picked up the phone at 2 in the afternoon. He had been sleeping, so really wasn't very talkative. After a few minutes the conversation was over but it wasn't until the next Sunday that I learned what was said.

The following week, my mom called and when I answered, her first words were, "Do you know what your son said to me last week"? Now all sorts of things were going through my mind of possible swear words. I mumbled a tiny no and hoped she would quickly get to the point about how I was such a bad mother. Then she tells me that as my son finished talking to her, he said 'I Love You Gramma'.

OK. I didn't really know what to say since we say it all the time in my house, even now that the kids are older. It wasn't til months later when I was visiting, my aunt told me that her and my mom had been practicing saying 'I Love You'. It didn't come easily but 4 of us 5 kids finally heard the words over the coming year. She kept practicing for another year to be able to say the same to my one sister. But she did. It took all her effort but she said 'I Love You' to us all and to her it was probably one of the biggest accomplishment of her life.

So how was it that we all survived and did well without hearing 'I Love You' all the time. As I think back, I realize there were many ways we were shown love without the actual words being said from both my dad and mom. And those are the memories that will continue. Just like Drazil's candy story, she will remember this with good thoughts of her dad because that is just his way of saying 'I Love You' without actually saying the words.

Sometimes in life it isn't always about the words we say. It's those unspoken actions that let those around us know that they love us. The touch, the look, the little things they do for us. Maybe it isn't always necessary to say 'I Love You'. Maybe it really is about those little happenstances that show true love.

OK, you guys. As we head towards Valentine's Day, I hope you see the love around you. I feel the love coming back at me when you send me amazing support.

So I send an 'I Love You' back out to you all.
 

15 comments:

amandakiska said...

I love you too, Sandy!

What a great post!

Bonnie said...

I loved Draz's post too. I thought the part about switching something in your routine was genius too.

Drazil said...

iMom...I will never forget you telling me this story in person and you looking me in the eyes and telling me I'm a good mother and you loved me...something my own mother may never be able to do....though she does indeed love me. You broke the cycle and then your son paid it forward. You are amazing....

Stephanie said...

We all love you, Sandy! I had such a great time with you in Chicago and I look at you like a cool older sister that I never had!!!

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

I'm with Stephanie. You are like an older...not by much...sister to me! You are beautiful, sweet and witty. It was an honor to meet you in Chicago, and I love you!

Nella said...

Great one again!
I make a point of telling my kids and husband that I love them every chance I get!
I got I love u's as a kid but my husband's family were not as vocal as ours. I love hearing my kids tell their Grandma they love her! Priceless!

Read said...

What a great post (and so was Drazil's)!!! It makes me melt every time I hear my kids tell someone else they love them. It's a very, very beautiful thing. The part I loved best in the beautiful post, was your mom and her sister practicing.... That is so absolutely amazing, I just can't stand it. It speaks volumes on so many levels!

Barbara said...

I need to go read Draz's post, BUT I will tell you.. saying I love you at every opportunity presented.

I take great comfort that my DH and I always said I love you.. and that will stay with me forever. I will probably never hear him say these words again to me.. but I have those words imprinted in my memory FOREVER.. great post sweetie

~Lisa~ said...

Absolutely amazing post, Sandy!! And you and I are about the same age - and I love reading your words, having your support, and having the honor of being a small part of your life - in other words, I love you too!

Marie said...

This post hit home for me as I experienced the same thing as a child. It is still not really easy for me to tell my parents I love them because it wasn't reciprocated. But I do and they do on occasion now as well. I'd tell my kids all the time though. I tried not to raise them the same way just like you. Thanks for this great reminder that those three simple words are so important.

Joey said...

Don't make me ruin my eye make up!

The hubs family does NOT say it. They barely even hug. It's usually hand shakes. I'm proud that my husband says it to me at least twice a day.

I'm also proud of my dad who started telling us "I love you" regularly when my parents got a divorce. His family said it, but rarely. It has now been taken up a level and he says "I love you madly" Awwww.

Amber said...

I came from a family where my parents said it to me all the time. And my parents were big fans of PDA. My husband's family did not. He's says he can't remember his parents kissing or holding hands. My husband still struggles to tell me he loves me and it really hurt in the beginning of our marriage but he is getting better. I have made a point to tell my husband and kids how much I love them several times a day. I am now working on trying to tell my friends how much I love them. It's a work in progress.

Follow me:
www.amber-jewelintherough.blogspot.com

Blossom said...

Thank you for this post. I don't know why but it made me very emotional. I'm posting something about it today. I know I don't always comment but your posts are always great!

~Lisa~ said...

I've give you an award, my Friend! Pop on over and get it!

Band-Babe said...

I love this post and love you my dear friend.

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