Plugging Along, a Little Rewind and a Wish

I am getting inspired as you all get back on the "band" wagon. I've been thinking that I was losing interest and wondered if I had actually hit the bottom of my weight loss. Granted I haven't lost as much as many of you but I calculate I have lost 73% of my excess weight
(40 lbs/55 lbs).

So what is the next step. Am I willing to settle for a 73% when I'm striving for a 90? 

No.

I need a new plan to finish this off. I have basically stayed the same for the last 4 months. I was heading down but then the dreaded Christmas hit. Not that I overate terribly. I didn't gain weight but I also didn't lose. I wasn't even particularly hungry, but ate and drank just because they were there. Why am I still falling back into those old habits. I had thought I was working this out. And yes, I can still come up with so many excuses, just like before.

I've been slacking with blogging because I started to think I didn't need to do this so much, that I didn't need the soul searching. But alas, I was wrong. I read so many blogs at work with Blogger Reader but can't comment or post like I used to do months ago because my work blocks the site. I need to just write whether anyone reads this or not. It is my therapy, my motivation, my willpower.

Anyway, this is my attempt to get back to thinking about me again. I am back at the gym which is an especially important step for me. Last Saturday, I went to a class called BodyPump where you exercise with weights. I just need to get into the routine of heading to the gym immediately after work. Once I get home, I get lazy and seem to find other things to do.

Eating isn't too bad. I was at the dentist today so my mouth hurts. She had to remove a bridge which left this big space in the back of my mouth. We don't think we'll be able to save the tooth the bridge hung on so I will have to get used to not having my back molar for chewing. I made this great Broccoli Soup for dinner and I am hoping I don't get the munchies. My pledge is not to eat anything after 7:00 at night as that seems to work to keep my eating under control.

My hunger is returning which makes me think I may need a small fill again. My last one at the end of November really took away my hunger. I was forgetting to eat sometimes. I just sent a request to my clinic to make arrangements with my fill doctor here in Ottawa. It's amazing how fast the green zone can disappear. I had the sweet spot for about 5 weeks and then poof! it left.

My DH and I are planning a trip to Mexico mid-February and I would like to be down a few more pounds. I need a new bathing suit as the other ones are dripping off my body. I am noticing my clothes are actually fitting better so even though I have only lost a pound or two, I guess the fat/muscle is redistributing. And yup, the wrinkly skin is still there. But no PS for me, at least not that I can imagine. I think Spanx will be in my future, especially when I pick out my dress for my daughter's wedding.

I am taking Drazil up on going back, rewinding, to re-read earlier posts. Last January I posted the following about food being an addiction and it still has a lot of meaning to me:

I Have to Pee!

Sorry if this title offends anyone but I am a nurse and a mom so discussing body functions has never been a problem with me. I digress a bit here so stay with me. I’ve been wondering for a long time if food can really be an addiction. I know I crave certain foods. Mine are sugar based. My BFF craves salty foods. Put a bag of chips in front of her and they are gone in a minute. I’ve had a bag of chips in the cupboard for over a month and just noticed my son finished them last night. My food of choice has always been chocolate. Doesn’t really matter the type but I can always find comfort in a big bag of M & M Peanuts or multiple Peanut Butter Cups.

A friend who deals a lot with addicts gave me a laypersons example of what an addiction (drugs, alcohol, cigarettes) feels like. Lets say you have to pee. Usually you can put it out of your mind for awhile but as minutes and hours pass, the urge to pee gets stronger and stronger til it reaches a point where all you can think about is “I have to pee!”. When you finally get to pee, the relief can be overwhelming, you feel better and you can go on with what you were doing until the next urge hits.

So I wondered if maybe that was how I was with certain foods, like chocolate. Sometimes it is all I can think about. I can’t do anything until I have driven to the store, bought the biggest bag or bar of chocolate and stuffed it in my mouth usually in the car going home. The sense of relief is overwhelming. I have my fix and I can get on with what I was doing. But this doesn’t happen with all foods, just some. I know I can easily ignore the urge to binge on liver!

Whether food is addictive has never really been proven. I studied Biochemistry in university and can picture all those little receptors we have in our brain, be it for caffeine, drugs, alcohol, whatever. I like to imagine little M&M receptors just waiting patiently for chocolate to arrive. I do know that if I go cold turkey I don’t seem to miss chocolate so maybe it is just a learned activity. Is it just feeding my insecurities, loneliness, boredom? Like many of you, I have a lot of other issues to deal with besides just losing weight but this blogging helps bring them out in the open. Soon I will be able to imagine little lettuce and celery receptors “craving” to be fed.

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Lastly, Barbara if you are reading this, I want you to know I am sending out prayers for you and your family. And I hope your dream, your wish comes true. {{{HUGS}}}.

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