Unspoken, I Love You's

Sometimes you read a post and just know you have to write something. Again, lovely Drazil got me today. Her Candy for the Soul post hit a spot. If you didn't read it, go now. It's about showing love without the words.

As many of you know, I am a bit older than most of you. Not much, but a bit. LOL. As a kid, I don't remember anyone in my family saying "I Love You" but I had a great childhood. Sure I was fat but it was an ok childhood. I do remember my mom giving my dad a quick kiss when he went to work and also her giving us a kiss goodnight but I don't remember those words.

'I Love You' became very important as I grew up. I remember waiting to hear those words from a boyfriend, but none did. Until my DH came along. He said it first. And I still remember that butterfly feeling in my stomach. Someone actually loved me. Of course I said it back and still do. As my kids came along, I knew it was very important for me to tell them 'I Love You' as much as I could.

But never from my mother and never from my father. I knew they grew up in an era that avoided those words but never really understood. I don't remember my MIL or FIL saying them either.

Then a few years before my mom died at age 79, she said 'I Love You'. It was probably the hardest three words she could ever say to her 5 children. It was an innocent comment from my son that gave her that courage.

My mom used to call about once a month on a Sunday. I wasn't always home and one day, my son picked up the phone at 2 in the afternoon. He had been sleeping, so really wasn't very talkative. After a few minutes the conversation was over but it wasn't until the next Sunday that I learned what was said.

The following week, my mom called and when I answered, her first words were, "Do you know what your son said to me last week"? Now all sorts of things were going through my mind of possible swear words. I mumbled a tiny no and hoped she would quickly get to the point about how I was such a bad mother. Then she tells me that as my son finished talking to her, he said 'I Love You Gramma'.

OK. I didn't really know what to say since we say it all the time in my house, even now that the kids are older. It wasn't til months later when I was visiting, my aunt told me that her and my mom had been practicing saying 'I Love You'. It didn't come easily but 4 of us 5 kids finally heard the words over the coming year. She kept practicing for another year to be able to say the same to my one sister. But she did. It took all her effort but she said 'I Love You' to us all and to her it was probably one of the biggest accomplishment of her life.

So how was it that we all survived and did well without hearing 'I Love You' all the time. As I think back, I realize there were many ways we were shown love without the actual words being said from both my dad and mom. And those are the memories that will continue. Just like Drazil's candy story, she will remember this with good thoughts of her dad because that is just his way of saying 'I Love You' without actually saying the words.

Sometimes in life it isn't always about the words we say. It's those unspoken actions that let those around us know that they love us. The touch, the look, the little things they do for us. Maybe it isn't always necessary to say 'I Love You'. Maybe it really is about those little happenstances that show true love.

OK, you guys. As we head towards Valentine's Day, I hope you see the love around you. I feel the love coming back at me when you send me amazing support.

So I send an 'I Love You' back out to you all.
 

How Will You Spend Your Dash?



Click on the photo above to read
 what the author has to say.

I always marvel at how some of you write such heart warming poems. You are truly talented and I enjoy poetry immensely as it feels like it comes from the heart.

Last week on the BYOC, there was a question asking what would be your last meal if you were on death row. I think a few people might have been wigged out at the thought of death, which made me remember a poem which particularly touches me. A few years ago, a manager where I worked dropped dead of a heart attack just before his 44th birthday. He was playing old-timers hockey and poof, he dropped dead. At his funeral, they read this poem:

                                                                   

The Dash Poem

"—"
by Linda Ellis ©

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on her tombstone

from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth

and spoke of the following date with tears,

but he said what mattered most of all

was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time

that she spent alive on earth…

and now only those who loved her

know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;

the cars…the house…the cash.

What matters is how we live and love

and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard…

are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left.

That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough

to consider what’s true and real,

and always try to understand

the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,

and show appreciation more

and love the people in our lives

like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,

and more often wear a smile…

remembering that this special dash

might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy’s being read

with your life’s actions to rehash...

would you be proud of the things they say

about how you spent your dash?

There have been many funerals since that time. It seems I am now at the age where funerals outnumber the weddings or celebrations. But at each one, I think about the dash. There is usually something quite profound in the eulogy, a remembrance, an anecdote, a story. Something that makes us remember the good that was their life. I remember at the funeral of my MIL, 10 years ago, her son told about how "mom" could bake. Her date squares were infamous. As her son mentioned a few of his favorite foods, many of us mumbled a treat we particularly remembered. You could hear the whispers throughout the church. It was part of her dash.

In talking about the Dash poem, the author wrote: Living a dash that you can be proud of doesn't mean trying to be perfect and changing yourself to fit the mold of what people tend to think of as a "good" person. To me, it means doing the best you can every day to live a life which may someday allow you to leave behind a legacy of kindness, love and laughter. 

Sometimes I forget my dash. Other times I think about how I should do more to be kind, to be loving and to have laughter in my life. I'm still working on my dash. I'll post more in the coming days as I have some thinking to do about my dash.

Just throwing this out there, but how's your dash doing?

It’s Possible to be FIT and FAT

Last week this article appeared in our paper. Here are a few points from the article:

It’s possible to be FIT and FAT

• Chubby exercisers are healthier than skinny couch potatoes. Being skinny isn’t the panacea for all that ails you. When it comes to health and well-being, the numbers on the scale don’t tell the whole story. In a 2003 study by Steven Blair, moderately fit women of all weights had a 48 per cent lower risk of dying prematurely (from all causes) when compared to unfit women — even the skinny ones. The conclusion, said Blair, is that it’s entirely possible to be fit and fat.

This is the photo that accompanied the article.

Funny but the guy looks like he's sleeping!

• In a society where the Biggest Loser is the biggest winner, that message needs more play. Being skinny isn’t the panacea for all that ails you. When it comes to health and well-being, the numbers on the scale don’t tell the whole story. Before chubby people from coast to coast let out a cheer, these results in no way suggest that it’s OK to pack on extra weight. High blood pressure, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, gallbladder disease, osteoarthritis, sleep apnea and breast, colon and endometrial cancer are all more prevalent in the overweight population. But for those who struggle to reach their goal weight, exercise can ameliorate a lot of the risk factors associated with obesity.
• This is an important message because not everyone can be slim. The same can’t be said for fitness. Its benefits don’t discriminate. So while there are those who think that fit and healthy comes only in small sizes, there are plenty of studies out there that say differently.
• Before concluding, it’s worth making clear once again that the fit and fat principle doesn’t give you licence to let unnecessary pounds accumulate. The studies offer hope to those who haven’t found success reaching their goal weight. So while it’s a given that there will always be small, medium and large sized bodies, exercise benefits all sizes equally.

This is just my opinion but I feel it is actually true. Over the last 35 years I have exercised almost continually. In my twenties I was in the Armed Forces Reserves and this included a lot of running and keeping fit. It was also when I first joined a gym. Into my 30’s, more gym memberships, and yes I actually went many times a week. I felt the burn many many times. In my 40’s I used the gym a bit, but invested in home equipment. I also walked 5km (3mi) almost daily. I did try running but hated it, so I defaulted to walking. A few times I just gave up as not an ounce of weight came off my body. But I felt great. Into my 50’s it is back to the gym during the winter and back to walking outside during the warmer months. 

I used to wonder why I did all this work when I would see all my skinny relatives and some friends sitting on their duffs. Their only exercise was pushing the buttons on the remote. I do have friends who do workout/run/walk/exercise, some big, some small. But I knew I was different and even with the extra weight, I knew the exercise was really important.

Currently I am at a BMI of about 27 which is “still” overweight. To get to what everyone considers a “normal” BMI, I would have to lose 15 pounds. If I get there, I get there. The numbers don’t really mean a lot to me at this point but it is a personal choice to keep losing pounds. If I don’t lose any more, I will work through this and decide if that is what I truly want.

If I choose (and it is my choice).
If not, I will be one of those Fat but Fit people that studies like the one above talk about.

But don't call me Chubby...

What do you think?

BYOC (Because I Promised to Blog!)

Well, my peeps. Since I made the pledge to keep posting even if I didn't feel like it, BYOC gives me the incentive to be mindless. Although I do have a brain, it doesn't always function. I am doing this and trying not to think that I really should be at the gym doing the BodyPump class.

1. If you were on death row what would your last meal be before your death? Wine. Chocolate. More Wine, more chocolate. You would see me strapped to the table with chocolate all over my face and singing since I would be drunk. I don't think I would ever need to actually request a last meal since Canada does not have the Death Penalty. I'd be a lifer though and hope you would all sneak me in my wine and chocolate!

2. If you drive a car, do you speed? Generally, I drive about 15 over the limit. Meaning 75 in a 60 zone, 95 in an 80 zone and on the highway, 119 when it is posted 100.

Ha Ha. Did I get any of you. Yup up here in Metric land it looks like we speed alot. But those are all kilometres/hour. I've had two speeding tickets and they were both DH's fault. Really. 100 km/hour works out to be about 65 miles/hour. I usually get behind some of you slowpokes doing the limit. But my kids are grown, so it is only me behind the wheel.

3. What movie can you watch over and over again? I'm a Lord of the Rings fan. I've watched the three parts about 25 times each. Yup. I love Viggo Mortensen when he is all scruffy and good looking. I never read the books. I guess my Christmas movies (Cmas Vacation, A Christmas Carol, It's a Wonderful Life) are also my watch over and over again movies.

4. What is your favorite topic to read about and your favorite topic to write about? I like to see how people get through plateaus and just deal with the ups and downs of the band. I also like just reading about the everyday struggles and triumphs and all the daily stuff that goes on in everyday life. Even the "what I ate today", potty training triumphs and disasters, exercise pledges, organizing tips, recipes, MIL/family/hubby/kids/friend stories... It makes me feel normal. If we only posted the "good" stuff, we would all feel crappy thinking that others get it, why can't I. I realized I needed to blog just to keep myself focused. My topics may be all over the map, but they just say what I need to say that day. Take it or leave it.

5. Summarize your week in Blogland and in real life.
I've been reading so many successes that it gives me incentive to keep on going. There is sadness and happiness and joy and sorrow in many of your posts. It is life, unscripted, unplanned. Real.

For me, I have been trying to be a good commenter and enjoy your comments right back at me. I have also pledged to post more often just to get me back to my good spot again. Winter is dragging on as it does every year, although we have not been hit with much snow. I am more aware of what is going past my band and decided to go for a fill next Wednesday. I miss the green zone. I had it for a few weeks and then poof! it disappeared. I want to make a last ditch effort to lose the final 15 pounds and need the band to get things moving again. My daughter is getting married which is giving me a good incentive to look good in a dress. I'm planning a trip south in February which has kept me glued for good deals. I also want to feel better lying around in a bathing suit at the beach/pool and not be fearful of what any pictures will look like.

That's it, that's all. Til the next time...

Plugging Along, a Little Rewind and a Wish

I am getting inspired as you all get back on the "band" wagon. I've been thinking that I was losing interest and wondered if I had actually hit the bottom of my weight loss. Granted I haven't lost as much as many of you but I calculate I have lost 73% of my excess weight
(40 lbs/55 lbs).

So what is the next step. Am I willing to settle for a 73% when I'm striving for a 90? 

No.

I need a new plan to finish this off. I have basically stayed the same for the last 4 months. I was heading down but then the dreaded Christmas hit. Not that I overate terribly. I didn't gain weight but I also didn't lose. I wasn't even particularly hungry, but ate and drank just because they were there. Why am I still falling back into those old habits. I had thought I was working this out. And yes, I can still come up with so many excuses, just like before.

I've been slacking with blogging because I started to think I didn't need to do this so much, that I didn't need the soul searching. But alas, I was wrong. I read so many blogs at work with Blogger Reader but can't comment or post like I used to do months ago because my work blocks the site. I need to just write whether anyone reads this or not. It is my therapy, my motivation, my willpower.

Anyway, this is my attempt to get back to thinking about me again. I am back at the gym which is an especially important step for me. Last Saturday, I went to a class called BodyPump where you exercise with weights. I just need to get into the routine of heading to the gym immediately after work. Once I get home, I get lazy and seem to find other things to do.

Eating isn't too bad. I was at the dentist today so my mouth hurts. She had to remove a bridge which left this big space in the back of my mouth. We don't think we'll be able to save the tooth the bridge hung on so I will have to get used to not having my back molar for chewing. I made this great Broccoli Soup for dinner and I am hoping I don't get the munchies. My pledge is not to eat anything after 7:00 at night as that seems to work to keep my eating under control.

My hunger is returning which makes me think I may need a small fill again. My last one at the end of November really took away my hunger. I was forgetting to eat sometimes. I just sent a request to my clinic to make arrangements with my fill doctor here in Ottawa. It's amazing how fast the green zone can disappear. I had the sweet spot for about 5 weeks and then poof! it left.

My DH and I are planning a trip to Mexico mid-February and I would like to be down a few more pounds. I need a new bathing suit as the other ones are dripping off my body. I am noticing my clothes are actually fitting better so even though I have only lost a pound or two, I guess the fat/muscle is redistributing. And yup, the wrinkly skin is still there. But no PS for me, at least not that I can imagine. I think Spanx will be in my future, especially when I pick out my dress for my daughter's wedding.

I am taking Drazil up on going back, rewinding, to re-read earlier posts. Last January I posted the following about food being an addiction and it still has a lot of meaning to me:

I Have to Pee!

Sorry if this title offends anyone but I am a nurse and a mom so discussing body functions has never been a problem with me. I digress a bit here so stay with me. I’ve been wondering for a long time if food can really be an addiction. I know I crave certain foods. Mine are sugar based. My BFF craves salty foods. Put a bag of chips in front of her and they are gone in a minute. I’ve had a bag of chips in the cupboard for over a month and just noticed my son finished them last night. My food of choice has always been chocolate. Doesn’t really matter the type but I can always find comfort in a big bag of M & M Peanuts or multiple Peanut Butter Cups.

A friend who deals a lot with addicts gave me a laypersons example of what an addiction (drugs, alcohol, cigarettes) feels like. Lets say you have to pee. Usually you can put it out of your mind for awhile but as minutes and hours pass, the urge to pee gets stronger and stronger til it reaches a point where all you can think about is “I have to pee!”. When you finally get to pee, the relief can be overwhelming, you feel better and you can go on with what you were doing until the next urge hits.

So I wondered if maybe that was how I was with certain foods, like chocolate. Sometimes it is all I can think about. I can’t do anything until I have driven to the store, bought the biggest bag or bar of chocolate and stuffed it in my mouth usually in the car going home. The sense of relief is overwhelming. I have my fix and I can get on with what I was doing. But this doesn’t happen with all foods, just some. I know I can easily ignore the urge to binge on liver!

Whether food is addictive has never really been proven. I studied Biochemistry in university and can picture all those little receptors we have in our brain, be it for caffeine, drugs, alcohol, whatever. I like to imagine little M&M receptors just waiting patiently for chocolate to arrive. I do know that if I go cold turkey I don’t seem to miss chocolate so maybe it is just a learned activity. Is it just feeding my insecurities, loneliness, boredom? Like many of you, I have a lot of other issues to deal with besides just losing weight but this blogging helps bring them out in the open. Soon I will be able to imagine little lettuce and celery receptors “craving” to be fed.

****************

Lastly, Barbara if you are reading this, I want you to know I am sending out prayers for you and your family. And I hope your dream, your wish comes true. {{{HUGS}}}.

Cookie Monster

I love to bake, especially cookies but haven't baked much in the last year. I would make dozens of cookies "for the kids" but could easily put away dozens right out of the oven. I do know that the batch rarely lasted more than 2 days in my house.

So now to the point of this post. I know I will hear from my close friends and relatives who read my blog with a few tut tut's but here goes.

I made Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies yesterday and ate 3 big ones. Tonight I came home from the gym and ate about 20 of them. Yup, my band aches a bit and I really wasn't hungry but I ate them anyway. Where are my kids when I need them.

I don't think I need a fill bacause honestly I don't feel hungry throughout the day and I have to remember to eat. Except when a big container of Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies is calling to me. I am going to make DH and son eat them!

Oh well, tomorrow is a new day.

Hmmm. Peanut Butter Cookies sound good.

My Word and an NSV

I actually had a problem thinking of a word to define my journey this year. Last year my word was Believe. I didn't really get its true meaning until last fall when it finally hit that I would succeed with the band.

As I pondered a word, I actually Googled "inspiring words" but nothing jumped out at me til I realized one thing. I was NOT very patient. So that became my word for this year:

Patience–noun

1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like. 
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. 
3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence.

Here is a start to putting patience into my life:

• Patience when I hit a plateau and the weight comes off so slowly.
• Patience when listening to others at home and work even when it takes forever for them to get to the point.
• Patience to control my temper when things irritate me.
• Patience to take one day at a time, to stop and smell the roses, to live in the moment because we don't really know how many moments we have left.

My Little NSV
I'm going to be a Mother-of-the-Bride. My daughter and her beau were engaged over the holiday. The wedding probably won't be until 2012 but both my hubby and I are delighted for them.

A year ago, my first thought would have been, "OMG I will look so fat in the photos". This year the thought didn't even cross my mind until today. Maybe it isn't a little NSV. It's a Major NSV for me.

(If you are new and don't know the term, NSV = Non-Scale Victory (or sometimes Non Surgical Victory). It took me months to figure that one out when I first started blogging. Thanks Justine for helping me with the defn.)