I bought a GPS for my trip to Pennsylvania last May. It got me there and back with a bunch of “recalculating” from Jill, the lady behind the screen. I had my paper map lying beside me and I kept looking at that to guide me. But in the end, I needed her to get me to a specific house (you know the one Barbara lives in) as I didn’t have a map of her town.
Seriously, I didn’t want to go where she kept telling me to go many times, but that is more or less how my life has always been.
You see, I’m a resister and I try so very, very hard to do things my way. Sometimes my way has been good and sometimes not so good. Like the intersection in Bartonsville, Pennsylvania where I looped around 3 times to get from one highway to another because I thought I knew better than the lady in the GPS. That time she was right.
On the way back, I did the same. I detoured off the main highway just to break up the monotony. When I changed the GPS to avoid toll roads, my trip somehow went from a 7 hour drive to 12 hours. Since the bridge between Canada and the US is a toll, the GPS calculated a trip which took me up into Quebec and then home. I think not. Sometimes we have to intervene to figure out where we are going.
I used the GPS last week to get to a training course in downtown Ottawa. Of course, I didn’t like her directions and since I knew the general area that I was going, I finally switched her off. I will admit Jill is very patient, never raising her voice, just recalculating all the time.
So my new GPS has not been used much. I think sometimes I just like getting lost and finding my own way home. But other times, it comes in handy to get us to a final destination without a lot of hassle.
My band is like that. I have been at the same weight for almost a year now, hovering between 168-172 and keep wondering if this is it. But I have this tiny little voice inside of me which keeps saying “You can still do this. You can still lose weight”. And guess what, the voice sounds just like the GPS lady but I still hesitate to believe it can be true. I’m in that Bartonsville, PA loop trying to find the turnoff for the right highway.
As the countdown begins to Chicago I do have a goal in sight. I have a second goal at the end of October when my hubby and I leave for Europe. We start in Prague, take a riverboat cruise down the Danube and end in Budapest. I have all my travel books. Spent lots of time researching on the internet to "learn" about the places we will visit. Lots of walking involved which means getting much more serious about my exercise for the next few months and also the commitment to get back on the band wagon and lose another 10 pounds.
I want to let go, and let the voice keep me going in the right direction. A lot of thinking has been floating around in my head these last few months. Give up and just accept that my weight will always be around 170 pounds. Or keep the faith and never give up.
Forrest Gump got through life with a box of chocolates. I guess times have changed and now we need the direction, like a GPS to help us get to our destination.
I think I'll try to listen to that voice again and believe it will take me to the right place. It's a new month, new goals. I've recalculated.