Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I Have Sinned

I so want to be like all of you and have this band working for me. Right now I think about food all the time but have to wait until next Monday for a fill. I've been at the same weight for 4 weeks now and yesterday decided do low carb to see if I could get some movement. Just like childbirth you forget the pain of drinking those protein drinks. 

I was doing great—remember that first day of pre-op, all the singing and dancing and thinking "it’s not so bad". Then remember day two? Well this is day two and as I was walking by the store these wretched Cadbury Easter Cream Eggs just jumped out at me. I thought you guys had eaten them all but nooooo… They are on clearance—2 for a dollar. I was like a zombie, picking them up, paying for them and then scarfing one down as I rode the escalator to catch my taxi.

I am now back at my regular office and I just locked the second one in my drawer to take home later. Will I eat it or not? My hubby left for China a few hours ago which means I am all alone in the house tonight. Just me and that friggin egg. Why didn’t you eat them all?


Gilly said...

Those things are SO not as good as they used to be! And the ones in your drawer are probably all dried up on the inside. Gross. You don't want them.

Jess said...

haha Sandy, you poor thing. I feel your pain, really I do. I decided to do low carb again too, starting today and so far all I have had is water and 2 protein shakes and will eat stroganoff for dinner just like on pre-op diet. It is soooo hard! But we can do it. If you fall down just pick yourself back up and dust off.

DawnB said...

Oh Sandy - I feel for ya! DH & I are such horrible & mean parents that we threw away all Emily's Easter candy - all of it - the day after Easter. Otherwise - you know who was going to eat it???? That's right, DH & me. so my advice, get that baby out of the drawer & stomp it to bits - C'mon you can do it!!!!!

Kristen said...

And that's why I packed up all of my son's Easter candy and shipped it off to my husbands office! :0)

I think you should take that egg out in to the parking lot and see how far you can kick it!

Or give it to someone that's having a bad day :0) ...

or someone that's having a hard time on her pre-op diet ..hand it over lady!!

SuperMegaAnna said...

Yeah... either stomp that egg or eat it and get it over with. Sometimes for me I have to just do the "bad" things so I can accept I did them and am done doing them... at least for a while. I have a real sweets addiction... especially ice cream. I can't stop thinking about it and had the most amazing icecream cone on Saturday at a local dairy. Mmmmm... get back on track and maybe even look at what made you eat the egg in the first place. I know when I am feeling even the least bit sorry for myself (almost always) I find an excuse to eat. You will do well with you band!

carla said...

OMG I am drooling...but yes step away from the egg!!!!!

tessierose said...

I feel for you! Being alone at home was one of my favorite times to binge eat. I would set the stage, rent movies, pick up all the bad food I could handle and just lose myself in the food. Old habits die hard. Hang in there!

Darlin1 said...

If you're going to eat chocolate ----only the very best will do---and it's not that egg----RIGHT?

amandakiska said...

When I eat sugar, I get cravings afterwards. Usually the things I crave are not sugary things. My old stand-by was crackers with cheese or peanut butter. When I chose to have some sugar now, I have to be prepared for the carvings that come later.

Drazil said...

Take it to a soup kitchen or food pantry - someone will think they hit the jackpot and you'll be happy you helped someone.

Gen said...

Screw low carb! It was the low-carb -- and the knowledge that you could not have any sugar at all -- that sent you running for the eggs.

Read my "no more diets post" - I just wrote it.

In the meantime, I feel your pain, I do! Until you have better restriction, just try to eat like a "normal" person. Eat enough so that you are not hungry. Do not deprive yourself.


Anonymous said...

Oh Sandy....... you made me laugh!

We are both feeling the same, but I am so much gentler on myself.

I too am hungry and I know it is because I am not restricted enough BUT look at the BIG picture.

This weight took years to put on, it isn't a race, and losing it isn't supposed to be really hard work either.

The band is a tool, but when your tool isn't functioning how it was meant to... yet... then you need to be kinder to yourself and realise that it is okay.

Did you get the band to continue dieting the rest of your life? I didn't. I got it so I could be 'normal' and just have smaller amounts of stuff. If I want a chocolate I bloody well will have it and thoroughly enjoy it! I do make sure I put in my 30 mins a day activity, but I am learning to become my own best friend and not a punisher. For me food is no longer something that is good or bad. I have my band, I am learning how to use it, and I am taking the gentle slow road to permanent weight loss.

It will be okay Sandy, you have time on your side to get the weight off, some chocolate - when you look at the big picture, is not the end of the world, enjoy it and maybe tomorrow and for a couple of days after walk a little bit longer.

It will be alright honey *squishy hugs*

Fiona said...

Hi Sandy, thank you for being so honest, I was beginning to think I was the only person that has cheated on this thing and I am really hating myself at the moment. Hopefully your fill will do the trick and you just have to make it till then. The low carb option seems to have the effect of making people cheat more because you crave more. I start every day will a shake and by lunch time I have cheated and am on a slippery slope to dispair. Good luck with being on your own, it must be very hard. Thinking of you x

Janice said...

Wow...I just finished reading your blog start to finish. I'm exhausted! :) I feel I have to read a blog in its entirety to follow it. It helps me to see the whole picture. I copied some recipes and tips.

I admit the first fill and pb'ing incidents were a bit scary. I'm preband...so everything seems a bit surreal yet.

Thank you for sharing and posting. I have enjoyed and have been very inspired!

About the egg...skip it and go for the wine. :)

Band Date: May 25

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