Monday, June 20, 2011

Figured it Out

I finally figured out why I have been a bit sad these last few weeks. It came on slowly and then boom, it hit me. I miss food and the comfort it used to give me.

But why now? I think it's because summer came along and it's BBQ time!

A few weeks ago, I made ribs. Slow cooked them in a lovely rub and then dowsed them with BBQ sause. Yum!

Took my first bite and swallowed, completely forgetting I had a band. Which led to an hour of painful stuckiness and then finishing off the three small ribs on my plate. They didn't really taste that great.

And then there was the lovely Indian dinner with Butter Chicken and Naan. Two bites and I was done in. I again forgot I had a band and just swallowed that big bite. It was another hour of agony before it moved through.

I was determined to remember I had a band. So each meal starts out with concentrating on the food in front of me and chewing til it's pulp. It is soooo boring. I am also entranced watching other people eat. Those big bites and wolfing down an entire plate of food in minutes. Did I ever eat like that. I am guessing that yes I did.

And it's a little sad. I dream about biting into a great big hamburger with lots of toppings. Nope, not gonna happen. I do wonder if I should just take the big bite, chew and then spit it out. Maybe have a spitoon beside me.

I walk by the corn on the cob at the grocery store remembering how good it tastes but also remembering how stuck it made me last year. And don't forget the steak and salads and pizza and burgers and hotdogs and hamburgers and potato salad and ...

So yes. I am sad.

But oh so happy I have not regained my weight. I will mourn the loss of food and then get on with life. Because food isn't all that important anymore. 

I am.

16 comments:

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

Great post Sandy, and I can so identify with it. I get a little sad too about food and I often forget that I have a band. It's a trade off indeed. Sometimes more difficult than others though, but definitely worth it!

Barbara said...

I mourn the loss of certain foods up to the point where I get this thought in my head.. "gotta love the way the jeans look on that butt" and then say YES THE BAND IS SO WORTH IT!!! Hugs!!!

Lonicera said...

I too identify with this post. Every so often I grieve for what I can't have - then I remember that it would all be a lot worse if the band didn't stop me, and I'm grateful. Even if I don't reach target, I'm still grateful.
Caroline

Darlin1 said...

I haven't found anything that I can't eat at least sometimes...even if only a few bites.

Some days are harder than others!

Lucky I guess!!

Ronnie said...

Yes you are! Great post. I've got the summer blues, too... never had been able to put my finger on why until now.

Dinnerland said...

I hear you, sister friend. It is hard to give up some of those food and freedoms we once loved-- but I wouldn't trade it in... I am so much happier and more comfortable being thinner...

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

You certainly are my dear! Love you.

Cindylew said...

I'm right there with you tootsie roll...and sometimes liking how I look doesn't even make up for the absence of a few big bites...crazy but true.

Beth Ann said...

Add me to those that feel the same way. I wouldn't trade gaining my weight back for food, but there are some days where I just want what I want and am said when I can't do it. But then I go shopping. :)

Dani said...

I also have experienced sadness over the withdrawal from food, I am 3 weeks only post band and still on mushies but after fluids loving life.I have a long way to go but everytime I put my clothes on and they're baggy i do feel the joy!

Debi said...

I totally hear you!

Sandy, I have nominated you for an award! Check out my latest post!

Tori said...

Oh dang...I can so relate. :( Took the most getting used to realizing that I would only get a few good bites in so I better enjoy every morsel! :) sigh

Tori said...

I can relate, that was the hardest part for me so far, realizing I only get a couple of bites so I better make them count taste wise and it can no longer be comforting for more than a brief time. :)

Joey said...

I know, I miss chowing down too. But NOT as much as I miss you! LITs in 3 months! xoxo!

Jacquie said...

Hi Sandy...for some reason your posts are not showing up on my dashboard for you so I am re-following you to see if it works!

Read said...

I'm with you too!! For me it's not so much the missing certain foods, though that's in there - it's that someone (ok it might have been me, but that's not relevant) has now said to me - You can not have this.

It's so very hard to be told I can't do something - whether or not I really even wanted to do it in the first place!

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