Back Home

I made it home. Two weeks of travelling and eating and drinking and laughing and walking and all good stuff. I am now in love with Hungarian Goulash Soup. I can't tell you how many bowls I ate while away. It is awesome and I have the recipe and I made a big pot on Thursday. It is so good. Here's me enjoying a bowl in Budapest.

 But I also ate this:

And this:

And this:

And now I will confess.
I gained 1 pound.
Since my defill of 1.5cc on September 29th just before Chicago.
I am so freaking happy. I only gained 1 freaking pound.


I drove to the clinic on Friday and they only gave me back 0.5 cc. It's a start. No more excuses. I will use the band and have it filled to perfection and lose these last 20 pounds. 


And in other news, I met up with Gilly in Toronto over a couple of beers and ravioli. Well I ate that and she ate much less.

Isn't she adorable.


But OMG, I only gained 1 pound. So while I ate and drank lots I also walked a tremendous amount each day. I estimate about 8-10 km. Which makes me want to keep this exercise thing going. Who would have thunk, that exercise lets you eat more. Hmmmm...

Signing off...

Did I make you look?


Nope, not signing off from Blogland. I'm leaving the country on Tuesday and won't be back until November 9th. Finally leaving for our trip to Europe. I'll be updating a Travel blog so if you'd like to see what we are up to during the next couple of weeks click this link: 

Cruising Europe from Prague to Budapest

http://www.travelpod.co.uk/travel-blog/timsandy/1/tpod.html

Here's where we're going.

Enjoy the quiet. And if you happen to be in any of the towns or cities above, wave to us from the banks of the Danube as our boat floats by.


I am beyond excited!

Butterflies

Thankyou for all the best wishes for my anniversary post. But I need to address this one question asked by Lap Band Gal:

My question to you: are there still "butterflies" after 30 years of marriage? I ask this of the couples that are married for what I consider a lot of time. This single girl wants to know.

I expect a bunch of you to jump on board to answer this too. Please join me in this for "all the single girls" and all the others who just want to know.

The short answer is YES.
But it isn't like that first year where the heart is aflutter and the stomach does roll-overs when the phone rings or you are getting ready for the date. That is first love and I'm not sure if you can ever get that back with the same person.

And of course my googling gave me this:

The three stages of love are the same for everyone: lust or romantic feelings, physical attraction, and emotional attachment. The stages of love aren't necessarily separated by markers like anniversaries or events (such as getting married). Rather, the three stages of love blend together in one long stroke of love.

I couldn't have said it any better. I guess after 30 years our love is all blended into one. Just like I love my two children, it isn't something that disappears or fades. I married late at 28 and didn't think anyone would every want me. But someone did and I don't ever regret the day I said "I Do". Here is my take:

• When my DH travels (he works in another city twice a week) he calls me on his way home. If he doesn't, I pick up the phone and invariably he is only minutes away. I get this little worry that he isn't ok. Maybe like a moth?
• During the day, I can think about him and get those butterflies that we all talk about.
• Trust is a huge thing for me. In fact his ring is engraved with 'Love and Trust Always'. I could never imagine either of us "cheating" on the other. BTW, he doesn't wear his ring because he almost lost his finger when it caught on a cleat while sailing years ago.
• He's a great Dad to two great kids. He's a sucker for being manipulated by them, but deep down he knows it. He'd give them anything if he could. And although the tears don't always work from me, they sometimes do.
• He danced to the song Hasta Mi Finale by Il Divo in the kitchen one day and we both cried.
• He came from a family of 6 boys but always puts down the toilet seat (a little quirk of mine). My son does too!
• We have had some seriously bad times but came through them together. Both of us have dealt with family issues, job losses, money woes. But we're mostly over that and can enjoy travelling and just doing things together. But money doesn't bring happiness, but it can keep things from being harder.
• He has never been revolted by my fat. I was thin when I married, gained up and down for 28 years. Spotted me the money to pay for the band with narry a hesitation.
• He's very physically fit for a 57 year old man. He runs and bikes and is a 4th degree black belt. but he wasn't always like that. He lost weight in the early 90's and has kept it off since.
• He's bald and I love it. When the comb-over started about 10 years ago, I asked him who he was kidding. So he shaved it smooth and that's just the way I like it.
• And yes, there are still butterflies. Like the Monarch butterfly, they sometimes go to Mexico for the winter but when they come back it is fun. And sometimes it is just the slug of a caterpillar that I see, but I know the butterfly will come again soon.

This was my favourite book to read to my kids!

And because my daughter and her friends read my blog I won't mention much about sex because as parents we only had sex twice, once for my daughter and the other time for my son. (Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge)

And to repeat from a previous post, I said this: I have been married for 30 years. You notice I didn’t say happily. Why? Because it is damn hard work being married. But looking back, I would do it all over again and most of the time we are happy. I can’t say that we are “soul mates” because I don’t really know what that means. But I wouldn’t want to be living with anyone else and I truly and deeply love him. There have been happy times, sad times, angry times, WTF times when those words “for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part” are so true. There is no marriage preparation course (and I took it against my will) that could ever prepare you for this thing called marriage.

Alright now, it's your turn. How would you answer Lap Band Gal's question.
Come on, I know you want to.

And Lastly, here is the song I walked down the aisle to and danced my first dance at my wedding:

The Rose by Bette Midler
Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer
that leaves your soul to blead

Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose

30th Anniversary

First off, I posted my pics from Chicago BOOBS 2.0. Click on the Chicago Photos tab above or this link to go to page.

Anniversary
Today is my 30th wedding anniversary. After a weekend of family gatherings for Thanksgiving, I am amazed at the congratulations for that many years. OK 30 years is a long time to be with the same person but is it truly an accomplishment?

I see it as just a part of life. Some of us make it in marriage or a relationship for a long time and some don't. There is no magic. I figure I still get something from this man I married 30 years ago and honestly it doesn't feel like that long ago. We've had our ups and downs and I think I mentioned that in a past post, but overall it is all good. Even when our kids hear us griping and snapping and arguing.

Marriage or common law or relationships are really what you make it. There is no course, book or advice which can define it.

It is what it is. Here's mine:

The smile says it all!

(He doesn't really glow. The light reflects off his baldness which I love)

DH even vacuums. I just have to get him to do it inside.

I'm not the only one who enjoys a sip of wine.

But I feel a thousand times better than in years past.

Thanksgiving in Canada

Just a final comment for those in the US who asked if our Thanksgiving is based on the Pilgrims. Not really. It originated with Frobisher. When he failed to find a north passage through North America to the the Pacific Ocean and held thanks in 1578 for surviving the perilous journey. Bet he froze is balls off up there in the north!

French settlers who came to Canada with Samuel de Champain (early 1600s) celebrated the harvest. Then during the American Revolution, many Americans moved north to Canada and brought their traditions, including their take on Thanksgiving. But we don't dress up like Pilgrims.

So I guess we are a combo of a lot of traditions. Originally it was celebrated in November but after the World Wars, it was moved to the second Monday of October to separate it from Remembrance Day (November 11th). Basically it is a celebration of the harvest with Turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie, family and a lot of drinking. I think many even watch football and stuff themselves silly. It's another day off work for which I give great thanks.

Now you know.

Unfills, Hangovers and Good Things

Not really what you think, but I have a hangover from the Chicago weekend. Not alcohol induced although there was that one night…

I mean Chicago 2.0 was as amazing as last year and yet completely different. I felt more of an observer this time just watching the girls. And the annoucement of over 4200 pounds lost. Ooh La La! That is over 2 tons of fat gone, gone, gone from 50 girls.

I didn't arrive until Friday afternoon and missed a lot of the frivolity which made up Thursday night, the dressing up, the dancing, the singing, the drinking. I truly missed meeting a bunch of the newbies although Donna and Nancy were right there when I arrived and we had some good face time. My roomie Robin arrived looking as thin as ever. I had so hoped her frilly grey sweater would somehow get lost in my suitcase, but alas it was not there when I came home.

I was sick most of Saturday and lay in bed until noon when I forced myself to elevate my body and just move. OK, I'll confess, too many mixed drinks on Friday when I arrived. This old body just can't handle her liquor anymore.

Drive to Chicago:
As many of you surprisingly know, I drove to Chicago partly to see the changing leaves (it rained both ways!) but also to stop at my clinic near Toronto for an Unfill/Defill. My drive back home was delayed 90 minutes by a horrendous accident on the highway leaving Chicago, then a stop in Kalamazoo to shop and lastly getting lost at night in Detroit trying to find the entrance to the bridge. Jill my GPS lady had it wrong then got it mostly right. All I could hear though is our Gilly shouting WTF, do you know they murder people in Detroit (no offense to anyone-I grew up in the 60's where they announced the nightly murder numbers). I did find the bridge, and crossed back home to Canada. My first stop was a Tim Horton's for coffee to keep me awake for the last 2 hours. I slept in the next day until 10:30. Unheard of for me.

Unfill on my way down: Yup, I'm back down to the 3.0 cc I had after surgery, from 4.5 cc. A whopping 1.5 cc came out which I estimate to have have cost me about $500 over the last 18 months. And no, it wasn't so I could eat the big hunks of meat in Chicago. It was to avoid the dreaded clamping shut when I fly to Europe in two weeks. But a funny thing happened. I lost my appetite. Weird how taking out fluid can cause that. But it makes me happy. I gained nussing in Chicago, although I was sick, sick, sick.

Good Things:
BOOBS: Every single woman who came for the weekend and all those who were in our hearts. There are too many to name and so many photos circulating. There were so many good ones of y'all but I picked this one partly because I looked good (and so does that other lady beside me).

I'll be posting many of the other photos on my Chicago page soon.

Planners: You are all so special to me. I wish you would create a Groupon coupon that I could use whenever I needed one of you. My girls: Draz (you made me cry), Jen (I loooove my blog makeover), Deborah (Toronto awaits), Stephanie Joy (orthotics in your future), Joey (I'm waiting for you to make me an iGrandma), Linda (I want your hair!).

I'll add Jen S. (who seriously can sort and fold so many clothes in the speed of light!)

Clam Chowder soup at Lux: I waited a year to have this soup (only served on Fridays) and it was oh so good. I think it set off my Gallbladder making me nauseated for most of Saturday. OK, as I said above, it might have been a combo with the booze.

Jennifer-Lopez Skinny Ponte Pants: OK I bought them (medium) at Kohl's cause they made my legs look really skinny. Not too sure what Ponte means but my guess is A$$. They suck you in and slim you down. 

Drinks: Long Island Iced Tea (and variations), Sangria, Margaritas, Wine, Rum punches, Purple Jesus punch: Don't mix. Eva. In fact everyone, just stop drinking period.

Hot stuffed jalepenos: Those hot little suckers can cause just as much pain coming out as they did going in.

Big hunks of meat at the Brazilian restaurant: The filet mignon and parmesan crusted chicken were Yum. The strangest part was using one of the big plates when I'm used to the little ones. Although I put a bit of everything from the salad bar on the plate I could only eat about half. And only a few bites of dessert.

Pajama Party and Underwear: If you saw the pic posted on Read's blog, I was given undies. Assorted undies and it made everyone laugh. Because last year Joey saw my old lady baggy bum undies and decided I needed some new ones. I will try to take a picture of them all. Thanks sweetie for thinking of my a$$. Personally I think it was just a distraction so no one would comment about the Ben and Jerry pints that were being inhaled.

Makeup and Jewellery: My new face exfoliator with real gold specks, the most perfect eyebrow makeup and eye liner (Barbara made me buy all this stuff so beware when shopping with her). And I have a new bead for my Pandora bracelet, one call the Magnificent Mile.

Gift Bag: Pirates Booty, Protein Bars, Pashmina and other goodies. Thank you so much. The Booty is gone and the protein bars came in handy on the long drive home.

Things I missed: Walking tour; Seeing more of the Chicago architecture because I was in bed til noon on Saturday and was made to shop, shop, shop. Forgetting to give Tina her Cadbury Fruit Bar from Canada to compare to the one brought from England by Justine. But it was really tasty! Not getting around to talk to everyone.

Even Better Good Things

• I didn't gain any weight. In fact I am a titch down. WTH?
• Finding out that something I said in an e-mail about that someone being a good mom really meant the world to her. I am still a little stunned and teary eyed that a few words can mean so much to someone.

One year from today my daughter is getting married. I have 15 pounds to lose and that is so doable. If not, Barbara tells me (and shows me in the photo) that spanx can help the body look pretty darn good.

And last but not least, it is Thanksgiving here in Canada. My family will be here for dinner on Saturday, although my sister is bringing the turkey, stuffing, gravy and cranberries. I'm doing all the veges and dessert. Then Sunday, it is off to my BIL for another stuffing of turkey. Monday is my 30th wedding aniversary. Hmmm, turkey?

The weather is going to be sunny and hot. Weird. Where is fall?

Working the Band

Nora posted today about The Purpose of the Band and I realized I haven't thought much about what the band does for me for many many months. Maybe that's a good thing but maybe it's time to see how things have changed for me since being banded in February 2010. 

So how do I "work my band". I think it is the habits that are ingrained after 18 months.

Right now I can eat anything and everything but I still stick to the 1 cup of food at any one time. That doesn't mean that I don't eat another cup of food 2 hours later if the hungries hit. And sometimes I have gone back for seconds since I am such a good cook but that is maybe once a month! 

I don't drink with meals. I will drink a full glass of water just before I eat. I try not to eat between meals and try to stick to 3 meals a day plus one snack. I chew the bejeesus out of every scap of food that goes into my mouth. It still amazes me how fast most people eat, as I merrily chew, chew, chew. I stick to solids as much as possible, even in the morning when I can eat eggs and toast without problems. I had some pretty impressive stuck episodes the first 6 months and what they think was esophageal spasms where I could only eat two bites of food before giving up. That seems to all be resolved, as I said, I can't think of any food I can't have. I even had corn on the cob this summer. I was out to dinner with our Barbara in Montreal on Monday night (I had the bestest time) and only finished half the salmon on the plate. Consciously thinking about portions is the way to go. My DH happily finishes what I don't eat most of the time.

What I still need to work on is getting enough protein. I've been drinking a strawberry protein smoothie a few times a week with 30 g of protein. (I recreated the St@rbucks recipe). I've always been a carb addict and I know if I could reduce those, I'd maybe see some further weight loss. The other issue I see is that I still enjoy wine and beer (and LIIT in Chi-town!). I'm not an alcoholic, nor do I drink to excess, but a glass or two every week is part of life. I'm not sure I want to make that change just yet. And I have been really really bad about any type of exercise. Don't chastise me. All these things will come.

I have been a bit surprised how little fluid I have in my band. Right now, I have 4.6 cc in my 10 cc Lapband. I started with 3 cc at surgery and have not had the best time with getting that sweet spot. But I've had it. That lovely spot where you don't even think about eating. Many unfills, refills and tiny little fills of 0.1 cc. I have fluctuated at the same weight (170-174) for the last year. But I did lose and keep off 40 pounds and hope that I will drop another 10-15 pounds in the next year.

But I am in a holding pattern right now. You see I am flying to Europe at the end of October and I have problems with my band when I fly. I will warn you that I am in the absolute minority with this. There are so many others who fly without having problems but all the times I have flown this last year (3 times), my band has clamped shut. The clinic thinks there might be an air bubble and for some reason it moves and presses the band shut. I don't know. So to avoid being in a strange country and not being able to swallow my spit, I am getting a defill next week on my way down to Chicago. They told me they wouldn't take out all the fluid but will probably take me back down to 3 cc. I'll have three weeks once back from Chicago to see if it is enough.

I don't think I will gain any weight back. In my past trips I am so active I usually don't see any weight gain. And it isn't like I'm doing this to eat outrageously at the buffet on the boat. I plan to walk all over the towns and cities we are stopping at and bring with me all the tricks that have become second nature like eating small quantities and waiting and carrying good protein snacks in case lunch or dinner is delayed. I know if I get too hungry, I feel like crap and then eat a lot of junk.

Did anyone notice that I said I was getting the defill/unfill on my way down to Chicago? I could have easily booked the appointment on my way home on Monday. I ordered the full meal for the Saturday dinner. Big hunks of meat. Protein, that's what it is. Protein. And I do remember the Huev0s R@ncher0s at the little restaurant beside the hotel!

I think I will just have to book a fill appointment when I get home on November 10th. Til then I still work my band. I paid too much to let it all go to waste.

Emotional Energy

My fill doc here in town sends out a newsletter every week and this one hit a cord. He quoted from a book which explained some energy zappers that take away our happiness:

The energy vampires: If someone you know is contributing nothing but negativity, try to interact with them as little as possible and instead surround yourself with more positive people.

Ha Ha! I just switched jobs and know the negative atmosphere had sapped almost all the energy from my life. I used food and drink to deal with it (unsuccessfully). I have also stopped seeing or talking to some toxic people in my life. They aren't that important if they make me feel like crap. I now try to surround myself with those who bring something positive to my life. BOOBS beware. Hugs are coming your way.

The green-eyed monster: Envy eats away at emotional energy. Focus on what you love about your own life rather than comparing yourself unfavourably with others.

I still have the "I wish...". "If only...", "Why not me..." I need to learn to live in the moment and know that I have the life I make for myself. I can never live someone else's dream.

The perpetual to-do list: If you’ve had an item on your agenda for more than a few months, that’s extra weight you’re carrying around. Make time to do it, or let go.

Umm. That would be exercise. Just gotta do it!

The endless worry cycle: Obsessing about problems is like trying to win a race running on a treadmill – you use up all your energy going nowhere. The antidote to worry is action. Every time you worry, do something, anything. Just making a plan to overcome a problem often helps.

I have to FORCE myself to stop thinking about something, especially in the middle of the night. Or I have told myself, I get 5 minutes to "worry" and then I have to move on to something else. It's really working. I used to obsess in my last job on how to fix things which were unfixable. When I get really bad, I know it is time to go back on the anti-depressants.

(from a book called "The Emotional Energy Factor" by Mira Kirshenbaum.)

Here is what she says about Emotional Energy: It's an aliveness of the mind, a happiness of the heart, and a spirit filled with hope. Emotional energy has a specific feel. It's a sense of being up, happy, forward looking, resilient, feeling young, feeling open, feeling your juices flow, being in touch with the loving, creative, generous, hopeful parts of yourself. People who have emotional energy give to the people they love, rise to difficult occasions, and are able to make decisions to change the parts of their life that aren't working for them. Emotional energy means you can ride out any storm and your core of grace, happiness, and strength won't be touched.

You see that girl in the rollercoaster cart at the top of my blog? I want to look just like her and have high Emotional Energy!