Butterflies

Thankyou for all the best wishes for my anniversary post. But I need to address this one question asked by Lap Band Gal:

My question to you: are there still "butterflies" after 30 years of marriage? I ask this of the couples that are married for what I consider a lot of time. This single girl wants to know.

I expect a bunch of you to jump on board to answer this too. Please join me in this for "all the single girls" and all the others who just want to know.

The short answer is YES.
But it isn't like that first year where the heart is aflutter and the stomach does roll-overs when the phone rings or you are getting ready for the date. That is first love and I'm not sure if you can ever get that back with the same person.

And of course my googling gave me this:

The three stages of love are the same for everyone: lust or romantic feelings, physical attraction, and emotional attachment. The stages of love aren't necessarily separated by markers like anniversaries or events (such as getting married). Rather, the three stages of love blend together in one long stroke of love.

I couldn't have said it any better. I guess after 30 years our love is all blended into one. Just like I love my two children, it isn't something that disappears or fades. I married late at 28 and didn't think anyone would every want me. But someone did and I don't ever regret the day I said "I Do". Here is my take:

• When my DH travels (he works in another city twice a week) he calls me on his way home. If he doesn't, I pick up the phone and invariably he is only minutes away. I get this little worry that he isn't ok. Maybe like a moth?
• During the day, I can think about him and get those butterflies that we all talk about.
• Trust is a huge thing for me. In fact his ring is engraved with 'Love and Trust Always'. I could never imagine either of us "cheating" on the other. BTW, he doesn't wear his ring because he almost lost his finger when it caught on a cleat while sailing years ago.
• He's a great Dad to two great kids. He's a sucker for being manipulated by them, but deep down he knows it. He'd give them anything if he could. And although the tears don't always work from me, they sometimes do.
• He danced to the song Hasta Mi Finale by Il Divo in the kitchen one day and we both cried.
• He came from a family of 6 boys but always puts down the toilet seat (a little quirk of mine). My son does too!
• We have had some seriously bad times but came through them together. Both of us have dealt with family issues, job losses, money woes. But we're mostly over that and can enjoy travelling and just doing things together. But money doesn't bring happiness, but it can keep things from being harder.
• He has never been revolted by my fat. I was thin when I married, gained up and down for 28 years. Spotted me the money to pay for the band with narry a hesitation.
• He's very physically fit for a 57 year old man. He runs and bikes and is a 4th degree black belt. but he wasn't always like that. He lost weight in the early 90's and has kept it off since.
• He's bald and I love it. When the comb-over started about 10 years ago, I asked him who he was kidding. So he shaved it smooth and that's just the way I like it.
• And yes, there are still butterflies. Like the Monarch butterfly, they sometimes go to Mexico for the winter but when they come back it is fun. And sometimes it is just the slug of a caterpillar that I see, but I know the butterfly will come again soon.

This was my favourite book to read to my kids!

And because my daughter and her friends read my blog I won't mention much about sex because as parents we only had sex twice, once for my daughter and the other time for my son. (Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge)

And to repeat from a previous post, I said this: I have been married for 30 years. You notice I didn’t say happily. Why? Because it is damn hard work being married. But looking back, I would do it all over again and most of the time we are happy. I can’t say that we are “soul mates” because I don’t really know what that means. But I wouldn’t want to be living with anyone else and I truly and deeply love him. There have been happy times, sad times, angry times, WTF times when those words “for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part” are so true. There is no marriage preparation course (and I took it against my will) that could ever prepare you for this thing called marriage.

Alright now, it's your turn. How would you answer Lap Band Gal's question.
Come on, I know you want to.

And Lastly, here is the song I walked down the aisle to and danced my first dance at my wedding:

The Rose by Bette Midler
Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer
that leaves your soul to blead

Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose

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