It's a Journey...Not a Race

I read this in a comment and got to thinking about the true meaning when we say "Losing weight is a journey...not a race". Some background now but I will get to my point. My hubby and I drive to a lot of places with some trips taking hours. I love to drive but there are times when I have to let him in the driver's seat.

DH Driving: Get in the car. Don't stop under any circumstances til we get to our destination except for gas. Speed along the highway because we have to get there. Arrive cranky, tired and angry that I have to debate every single bathroom break. DH flops on the couch and has a nap. I'm buzzed from all the angst and take two days to relax.

Me Driving: Get in the car with my water, coffee, snacks. Turn on the music. Stop every two hours or so to stretch, pee, grab a coffee (and pre-band a donut!), shop at the mall. Enjoy the scenery. Arrive in a good mood, relaxed for the rest of the trip.

Which leads me to realize with the lapband I don't need to race to the finish (lose all my weight as fast as I can) but enjoy the journey of living with the band. One of those Tortoise and the Hare stories. I will still get to my goal but does it really matter how long it takes—OK, before I die would be nice. I need to stop and enjoy the changes that are happening physically, emotionally and mentally along the way. Eventually I will get there. But since I'm driving, I want to arrive in a good mood, relaxed and happy with how I got there. And maybe a little shopping won't hurt.

Second First Fill

On Monday I had a small 0.5 cc fill. Since my unfill and topup last week back to 3 cc (which is what I had at surgery over two months ago), I now have 3.5 cc in a 10 cc band so I guess this is really my second first fill. I think I have a bit of restriction as I am not crazy eating like I was on the weekend. So far today I have only had a protein shake around 8:30 and then 1 cup of chili at 11:30 and I feel satisfied. I hope this helps knock off a few pounds since I have been stuck at the same weight for the past month. I feel Gen's pain of being in plateauland. Since I had so many problems when I had 4 cc in the band, we will only go up in small increments each time (like 0.25 cc). 
I am trying to figure out if I should just book a fill in two weeks or wait to see if this fill works. What do you do? Pre-book your fill appointments or just play it by ear and book when you think you need one. I am so confused. Hurry up BG and get that book written.

On another note, 2/3 of my family is stuck on the other side of the world. DH is in Manila and my DS is stuck in South Africa. They were both supposed to fly back this coming weekend so I am hoping the flights get back on schedule. My DS flies through Frankfurt which is still reduced and the flights from the far east are jammed with people taking alternate flights back to North America. They'll get here, but I miss them.

Let This be a Quiet Week

This is my wish for everyone this week. Have a calm and relaxing week. I don’t think I can take much more excitement! Lets all take a break and …

I have a fill on Monday afternoon and hope it will kickstart my weight loss which has stalled. So far I am still eating lots and need some help in getting the scales to move. I have to be skinny when I get to Chicago in 5 months!

I am also really happy today because my daughter just brought her cat, Elliot, over for me to keep for a few months until she moves to her new house. My DH is allergic so we will have to deal with that. Maybe he’ll have to move out? Hmmm. Not! The cat lived with us for two years so it shouldn’t be too bad. I am also a bit perturbed about losing some of my hair. I know, I read this on many a post but when you see the clump of hair in the drain it is pretty darn hard. Oh well, it'll grow again. And one last thing—I found it interesting that there are many mentions of wanting to be with George Clooney. Well I think my brother looks just like George Clooney. You be the judge?

         George C.              George Too?

P.S. I'm supposed to add that my brother is happily married to one of the sweetest girls in the world and they have two beautiful young boys. He is currently renovating his house and has just developed those lovely grey hairs. Oh, and I look just like him. LOL.

BYOC – Bring Your Own Craziness!

Every Friday I say to myself—I am not going to answer questions but something drives me to answer. Don’t know why, so here they are:

1. If you ever won the lottery – what’s the very first thing you’d do? I’d give the entire amount to Drazil. OMG, there must be something hidden in this message making me say that! But really, I guess I’d give her a few bucks and then do the following:
    ~Quit my job
    ~Travel around the world (maybe on one of those round the world ships—although I get seasick)
    ~Buy an all expense paid weekend to Chicago for all my followers.
    ~Buy a new SUV and an RV to be a nomad travelling North America.
    ~Lose weight (oh right don't need money for that!)

2. What is your favorite curse word? (This one is from Joey)
Why the fuck would you want to know that. The guy who works for me calls me potty mouth so pick any word. I can be prim and proper when I need to be. My kids are also potty mouths. I learned all these words when I was in the militia during university. I loved saying FUBAR but it fell out of use a long time ago. That basically sums up my work though.

3. What is your favorite holiday and why? Christmas. Why? Presents, food, chocolate, candles, family, more food, more chocolate. And wine, lots of wine.

4. What turns you on? (another suggestion from Joey) After all these years (30), my DH. It’s just knowing that I’m not alone and can depend on someone to be there for me. A lot of people find our relationship strange and many said it wouldn't last. We fight like cats and dogs sometimes but overall he is just there by my side. We have gone through a lot of ups and downs together, financially, emotionally, family issues but I miss him when he’s away. Everyone say Awww together. Wait a minute was this a sex question?

5. Whose blog spoke to you, stayed with you, meant the most to you, stands out to you this week and why? Already did this one yesterday—see my Thursday Lollipop Award post.

~~ Side note ~~

My sister is visiting this weekend and she likes to talk, so I might not get much time to read many blogs or post. I talk too much anyway. We are going to cook together and restock my frozen dinners.  Have a lovely weekend—it is going to rain and be cold (yes Jess, a high of 6C (42F) on Saturday). Sucks.

Whatever You Do, Don't Diet by Gen

Thursday means I nominate the blog post that spoke most to me this week. And the winner of the Shirley Temple Lollipop Award for most Inspiring Weekly Post is Gen (i heart the band) for:

"Whatever You Do, Don't Diet"

(you can also click on the Shirley picture in my sidebar to link to the post)

Why: Well, it was posted on the second day of my self-imposed low carb diet which turned out to be a disaster of major proportions. Not only was I not able to actually stay on the liquid protein "diet" for more than 36 hours, I rebounded and ate Cadbury Eggs, a plethora of mini bran muffins topped with icing (yes I mixed up a batch of icing because the muffins weren't sweet enough) and was basically a demon searching for sweets. What was I thinking—I got the band so I would forget about all this crapola and "dieting". As I munched my icing covered muffins sinking into a guilt trip of "You're such a loser", Gen's post popped up around 8:00 pm. It saved me—well, it reinforced that having a band is not the same as dieting. Thanks Gen for giving me the slap in the face.

The one line that I pulled out of the post, (from Geneen Roth):

"Diets are like having a mean, abusive parent inside your head. Diets keep you stuck being a cowering child."

There were many posts that really clicked this week with me. I went through a huge wave of emotions and watershed moments—crying, laughing, lightbulb moments. It forced me to think about what I want to do and how to get there. I still have a lot of work to do brain-wise but each week gets a little better and each and every post I read brings a little glimmer that I am not perfect and I don't have to do this alone. And no more diets!

Because I read so many blogs, I started tracking some memorable posts and created a sub-page in my blog to remember them. I try to find one post each day that speaks to me. It reminds me to go back and re-read them when I have more time to think. If you look on my sidebar you will see the Memorable Posts This Week with links to the blogs.

One last thing. I hope you have all seen Sisterhood of the Traveling Bandits Blog (BOOBS for short). Come for our first Bandit party in Chicago in September if you can. My first thought when it was suggested by Jen was HOW MUCH WEIGHT CAN I LOSE BEFORE I SEE OTHER BANDITS! Come on, I'm sure that was in everyone's mind too. Will we ever learn?

Update: I am now guilty of making some bloggers fall into a rash of carb eating this week. I won't mention names Amanda but I think it is the same weird pull of the earth that others have mentioned. Last week it was weight gain, this week it is pasta and carbs. What will next week bring?

I Have Sinned

I so want to be like all of you and have this band working for me. Right now I think about food all the time but have to wait until next Monday for a fill. I've been at the same weight for 4 weeks now and yesterday decided do low carb to see if I could get some movement. Just like childbirth you forget the pain of drinking those protein drinks. 

I was doing great—remember that first day of pre-op, all the singing and dancing and thinking "it’s not so bad". Then remember day two? Well this is day two and as I was walking by the store these wretched Cadbury Easter Cream Eggs just jumped out at me. I thought you guys had eaten them all but nooooo… They are on clearance—2 for a dollar. I was like a zombie, picking them up, paying for them and then scarfing one down as I rode the escalator to catch my taxi.

I am now back at my regular office and I just locked the second one in my drawer to take home later. Will I eat it or not? My hubby left for China a few hours ago which means I am all alone in the house tonight. Just me and that friggin egg. Why didn’t you eat them all?

When Bad Things Happen to Good People

I spent a lot of time reading very poignant posts this weekend and felt almost helpless that I couldn’t do more to ease the pain I saw. I wanted to reach through cyberspace and hug everyone. I made a lot of comments and a few direct e-mails and hope those few words bring a bit of sunshine to someone who might be having a rough time or just to say, you are not alone in this world. I want to think I am making a difference and wonder why do we have to suffer? Years ago after my mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and I was going through a particulary bad period of time, I picked up this paperback book written by Rabbi Kushner because I wanted to know why this was happening to little old me. The Rabbi wrote this after his son died at age 14. I am not a religious person but it actually helped me see that there are good people in this world and sometimes bad things happen. And it wasn’t because God (or another higher being) was getting back at us for something we had done—bad things just happen. He also stresses that it was not something that we did, a mistake, a failing that caused the bad thing to happen. This was what I took away from this book the most.

I created a sub-page within my blog to post some of the main points of the book but if you Google it, you will find a wealth of links.

The last part of the book questions what is our purpose in this world. To make money, to live in a big house, to buy lots of things, to travel, to … Not really. I have a lot of these things but to be really fulfilled is knowing that we can make a difference to how our world unfolds. I posted on Saturday, that my son had met a 10 year old boy in Africa whose mother had died from AIDS. The young boy was taking care of his sick grandmother and two younger siblings. My son left a few clothing items, some food and a few dollars. It might not have been much but it changed this little boys life for a short time and let him know that someone cared. When we do unto others we show others that they are not alone.

But bad things keep happening to good people and will continue to happen—the child abuse, sexual and emotional abuse, the car accidents, the cancers, the diseases, the deaths, murders and suicides—9/11, plane crashes, hurricanes, tsunamis, wars and genocide. We can never turn back the clock and change these things, nor how we or others reacted. But we can listen and we can help make a difference no matter how slight to the way someone feels. Ten years ago, Blogging and other types of social networking weren’t available. Now we can reach out into cyberspace and in seconds connect and make others aware that they are not facing their problems alone. I think if we knew the tiny little ripple-effect we have on each other we would be astounded.

So I want to encourage all, if you are looking for some reason to exist in this world, reach out to others. Leave a comment, send an e-mail (ok even pick up the phone and call them). Because your heart and your life will be much richer for it, knowing that you may have started that little ripple that will help someone else move forward. If you find some of this blogging overwhelming, post a message to let us know you are still around and are swamped with work, with kids, with life. We just want to know that you are still out there and will be waiting to hear how you are and if you need us for anything. Because "It takes a Village..."

I hope I haven't brought a downer to your Monday. I promise things will get better as the week goes by. And I wasn’t even going to post today!