Figured it Out

I finally figured out why I have been a bit sad these last few weeks. It came on slowly and then boom, it hit me. I miss food and the comfort it used to give me.

But why now? I think it's because summer came along and it's BBQ time!

A few weeks ago, I made ribs. Slow cooked them in a lovely rub and then dowsed them with BBQ sause. Yum!

Took my first bite and swallowed, completely forgetting I had a band. Which led to an hour of painful stuckiness and then finishing off the three small ribs on my plate. They didn't really taste that great.

And then there was the lovely Indian dinner with Butter Chicken and Naan. Two bites and I was done in. I again forgot I had a band and just swallowed that big bite. It was another hour of agony before it moved through.

I was determined to remember I had a band. So each meal starts out with concentrating on the food in front of me and chewing til it's pulp. It is soooo boring. I am also entranced watching other people eat. Those big bites and wolfing down an entire plate of food in minutes. Did I ever eat like that. I am guessing that yes I did.

And it's a little sad. I dream about biting into a great big hamburger with lots of toppings. Nope, not gonna happen. I do wonder if I should just take the big bite, chew and then spit it out. Maybe have a spitoon beside me.

I walk by the corn on the cob at the grocery store remembering how good it tastes but also remembering how stuck it made me last year. And don't forget the steak and salads and pizza and burgers and hotdogs and hamburgers and potato salad and ...

So yes. I am sad.

But oh so happy I have not regained my weight. I will mourn the loss of food and then get on with life. Because food isn't all that important anymore. 

I am.

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