I finally figured out why I have been a bit sad these last few weeks. It came on slowly and then boom, it hit me. I miss food and the comfort it used to give me.
But why now? I think it's because summer came along and it's BBQ time!
A few weeks ago, I made ribs. Slow cooked them in a lovely rub and then dowsed them with BBQ sause. Yum!
Took my first bite and swallowed, completely forgetting I had a band. Which led to an hour of painful stuckiness and then finishing off the three small ribs on my plate. They didn't really taste that great.
And then there was the lovely Indian dinner with Butter Chicken and Naan. Two bites and I was done in. I again forgot I had a band and just swallowed that big bite. It was another hour of agony before it moved through.
I was determined to remember I had a band. So each meal starts out with concentrating on the food in front of me and chewing til it's pulp. It is soooo boring. I am also entranced watching other people eat. Those big bites and wolfing down an entire plate of food in minutes. Did I ever eat like that. I am guessing that yes I did.
And it's a little sad. I dream about biting into a great big hamburger with lots of toppings. Nope, not gonna happen. I do wonder if I should just take the big bite, chew and then spit it out. Maybe have a spitoon beside me.
I walk by the corn on the cob at the grocery store remembering how good it tastes but also remembering how stuck it made me last year. And don't forget the steak and salads and pizza and burgers and hotdogs and hamburgers and potato salad and ...
So yes. I am sad.
But oh so happy I have not regained my weight. I will mourn the loss of food and then get on with life. Because food isn't all that important anymore.
I am.
I'm a good homeowner. We recycle paper and cans and bottles. We use a Green Bin for kitchen waste. That's all the leftover food from meals, peels, meat, even cat litter if you have a cat. The pickup is every week but hubby forgot to put it out last week so it was getting full.
It is also stinking hot and muggy up here in what everyone thinks of as the cold north. With the humidex, today it is 42 C (over 100F). We can barely breath. It's been like that for days. So... Extremely hot weather, lots of rotting food, flies. What do you get?
Maggots.
OMG, I went out to the garage to put out the green bin and the inside is completely covered in tiny white maggots. I'm sure they were enjoying the all you can eat buffet I had provided.
After garbage pickup today, my hubby decides he should clean that bin out. Making matters worse, we are on a water ban for all outside water use-no watering plants, no washing cars, no filling kiddie pools, no cleaning Green Bins. So he sneaks into the garage, closes the door and washes out the bin 3 times. If they arrest me for using water, I will have to plead ewwww. When I got home I used half a bottle of Tilex. I don't think there's a maggot left.
Which led to my appetite being shut down completely. I only have to think of those tiny white crawly things and food doesn't seem very appetizing.
Ewwww. I hope I didn't ruin your appetite!
It's been a long week getting Blogger to correct the commenting problem. Really, I went to your blog to comment and had too many problems so finally gave up. It's the thought that counts.
Not much going on in my world. I had a 0.1 cc fill on Wednesday and so far it is working. I haven't been craving the crap food like last week. My doc is so sweet. He is trying to understand how a fat person thinks. So he says to me: He thinks about what he wants to eat and then decides how much exercise he has to do to balance out the calories. If he can't do the exercise he adjusts the amount of food he eats. In other words, he doesn't eat some of the food he wants.
My reply (I'm actually thinking, are you f'ing mad): That doesn't happen to me. I would just eat everything and maybe then exercise a bit but it would really be stretching to think I could just turn down food.
He now had a confused look. He keeps shaking his head, trying to understand.
Well that is the difference between someone whose brain controls what we eat and someone whose brain is in control of what they eat.
Anyway, the fill works. He is still stunned that 0.1 cc can make a difference. Right, I had gained 5 pounds since I saw him last month. And I have been eating like there is no tomorrow. I'm already down 2 pounds so anyone who says the band doesn't help is so wrong. It is a tool to help. When adjusted properly you don't think much about food. I did ask my doc if he had ever forgotten to eat. His reply, of course. My reply, never. Until I had the band and had my sweet spot.
One last thing. I bought a couple of beads for my Pandora bracelet. This one is called Journey. It represents a path and all the bumps along the road in the journey of life. Mine really has lots of bumps.
This one is call Inner Strength. I think of my band as my Inner Strength and I imagine it being my band.
Many times during the day, I play with my beads. They give me peace.
I need to buy one in Chicago. Any suggestions?
But why now? I think it's because summer came along and it's BBQ time!
