Holy Crapola Batman—What a Storm I Created

I party hearty for a day and when I start reading blogs I realized I had set a bit of a fire in the blogging world from my post on Friday. Please go read the comments. They were exceptional. But first I want to say ditto to the post by Sherry. It will save me a lot of typing if you just read her post. Secondly, I have poor Tracy Jo (TJ) worried that her comment might cause people to abandon her. Please go visit her and let her know that we will never do something like that. And since she has been so successful, her advice means a lot. And my BFF (bless her heart) thinks maybe I need to go to Overeaters Anonymous.

Hold the horses, people. I haven’t felt this special since I met up with Gilly a few weeks ago! It might be best if I just do a point form.

•  My plateau is over. Can we all have a collective Woo Hoo! On Saturday morning, the scales showed a 1 pound drop. On March 17th I weighed 184 and on June 5th I weighed 182.8. I guess all those vibes being sent through cyberspace, changed the world order and made my weight drop. On Saturday, I could barely eat. Breakfast was three small bites of a waffle (from my new waffle maker) and the rest went in the garbage. For lunch I could only get down half of a grilled cheese sandwich. But then dinner. Opened the bottle of wine which I have been avoiding and along with friends drank merrily. I was able to put away sushi, fish pie, asparagus (about 1.5 cups) and even a small piece of pecan pie (yes I know Pecan Pie is not a “diet” food). Here is what I ate this morning.

NO I DIDN'T!

This is what I really ate on an 8" plate: 1 egg, lean ham and 3/4 slice of toast:

•  My rant on Friday was precipitated by the NUT (nutritionist) from my surgical clinic. What didn’t come across clearly was her insinuation that I had been eating junk food and crap for the last 3 months and that was why I hadn’t lost weight and should be dieting. Some of you may not know this, but I did nutrition counselling for two years in the late 90’s as an RN in private practice. That was when I really saw that all people are not alike. To subsist on 1000 calories a day was a herculean feat for most. After a few months we couldn’t keep it up. Yes our weight dropped and stabilized but eventually went back up as the calories went up. I KNOW what a healthy diet is—lots of fruits and vegetables, good lean protein, whole grains, olive oil. That’s what I eat. Yes I dearly love my glass of wine and chocolate but 90% of the time I eat “healthy”. I do measure in my 1-cup container (see link for picture) but I had asked the nutritionist if we should be eating 1.5 cups and her reply was yes, if it was bulky stuff like salad and veges and such. I eat a lot of vegetables and greens, mostly cooked and that keeps me so regular and so full but so not losing any weight. And I clearly know that a cup of Peanut M&M’s do not match the same calorie count as a cup of asparagus. And a cup of French Fries is much more fattening than a cup of fish. But I don’t eat a cup of M&M’s or crap. I eat about 4 oz of protein, lots of veges and occasionally a bite of rice or potato. So when the Nut mentioned I should be counting calories, I lost it—WTF.

•  Diet is a 4 letter word to me. Since the age of 11 when I was on my first “diet” with the help of amphetamines, I have been told not to eat that cookie because it will make me fat. Not to eat French fries, ice cream, candy, chocolate, desserts… because they made me fat. Mostly all of us know what to eat, but we eat too much. That’s me. Some people can eat one cookie, I can eat 12 or 20. Some can have 1 bite of chocolate, I can eat the entire bag. We didn’t get overweight by eating too many vegetables. So dieting, where one food is forbidden doesn’t work for me. If I know I can never eat another cookie or piece of chocolate I rebel. I remember clearly my last supper marathon before the band. Being able to control the quantity is why I chose the band as my last chance to win this fight with weight. And that is what I wanted to hear from the Nut at the clinic. When I get to my Green Zone or Sweet Spot I won’t want to eat more than 1 cookie or a few M&M’s. It will also help me control the amount of protein, carbs and fats I consume so that I can actually live on only 1000 calories a day. Her only comment was that the nurses would have to advise me on the band. WTF (again). Your only clients are those with the band so shouldn’t you know something about how the band helps keep us to that 1000 calories threshold. Because willpower only helps for a while.

•  I don’t want to fight every time I ask for a fill to get me to my Sweet spot and that is what is happening. My first fill was a disaster and I was so tight I couldn’t even swallow my spit. After an unfill and healing period (March), me and my doc here in Ottawa thought it best if we try teeny, tiny fills. So that is my choice. Yes I pay each time I have a fill ($50) and so far have had 5 teeny tiny fills. I would have loved to just go for the 1-2 cc fill but am petrified of not being able to eat. And he will be getting an earful about the clinic and hopefully will pass on my frustration to the surgeons. I guess when they see so many requests from me they are just assuming I am a bother and they want to make me do it on my own. Crap. Fill the band til it works like it should and let me get on with life. To quote Sherry: To succeed, we need fills. Fills take the reins when we cannot. A fill reminds us to quit when we need the reminder.

•  On another point about recording what I eat. I don’t write down what I eat because I cheat. I don’t count calories because I cheat. I “conveniently” forget about the chocolate bar or 4 freezies I put in my mouth. This comes from all those “diets” I have been on. In the 80’s I went to Diet Center and Weight Loss Clinic (both now defunct) where the diet was 450 to 1000 calories a day. I can still remember what I was supposed to eat:

     Breakfast: 1 egg and 1 orange

     Lunch: 3 ounces protein, large salad of low carb veges with fat-free salad dressing, 1 WASA cracker

     Snack: 1 large apple

     Dinner: 3 ounces protein, 1 cup low carb veges (protein could only be fish, chicken—no beef, pork, etc, no fats or oils, no carbs)

In the six weeks I always lost weight. I’m surprised I didn’t collapse with anorexia. As I started to lose my inspiration I began to substitute because a calorie is a calorie is a calorie. It really didn’t matter what food I ate, as long as I stayed under the 1000 calorie limit, I lost. We had to write down what we ate and when (as I did for the multiple diets I was on, including WW, dieticians, naturopaths, etc). It would have a raised eye and a reprimand when I strayed from the diet. You think I didn’t know that having a cookie wasn’t on the list. You all know that feeling of superiority when they would be reviewing your Weekly Food Chart and highlight (yes with a yellow marker) all the bad things you had eaten. So I started to lie by omission. I would write down I had 3 ounces of chicken, 1/4 cup rice and broccoli with 1 tsp butter (~250 cal) when actually I had eaten a Mr. Big chocolate bar. I still lost weight because my calorie intake remained under 1000. So you see, writing down what I eat will not work after 45 years of yellow highlights. Being able to choose healthy foods because that is what I feel like is my goal. I don’t need someone jumping on my back because I eat something not on my diet. Judi said the same thing in one of her posts and I want to be at that place where the guilt is no longer hovering over me when I cheat because it isn’t cheating, it’s living.

I so appreciate all your comments and thank you for taking the time to jump into the controversy. This topic has come up a few times and everyone has their own tried and true way of doing things. My philosophy has always been, if it works for you, do it. If not try something else. I am a pig headed, F bomb dropping cynic. And I really am not against dieting because any low calorie food intake is just that, a diet. I have a terrible time sticking to 1000 calories a day or 3 cups of healthy food. It just isn’t enough to hold off the hunger. Thus I need the help from that little piece of silicon around my stomach, my band, my Buddy. It’s my last chance and to think I only got 10 pounds out of the band scared the crap out of me. I am counting on this plateau of 3 months being over and I will see the scales move. I know there are others like me that are sloooow losers. Support is our saviour and all of you my inspiration. So again, have a great day and speak out. One small little post can make a big ripple in the pond and maybe, just maybe change a life.

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