Tuesday Thoughts

Just touching base with a bunch of little things. First of all, my band is giving me good restriction although my weight isn't going down at all. I still have that 0.1 cc waiting at the doctor's office but I don't think a fill is needed. I've had a couple of painful pb's in the last week so I am being very selective about what I eat. Each day is different. Some days I can eat about a cup of food and other days I have to stop at a few bites. Crazy little band. But I am not discouraged, just curious. Please don't be the start of another plateau. God knows I have had enough of those!

Maybe like a bunch of you have mentioned, exercise is the culprit. I have one of those trainers we are all blogging about. You know those cutie pie tiny little girls who beat the crap out of you if you don't do just one more sit-up. Not really. But Ghazal is nice and cute and tiny. And she is getting me to do weights to strengthen my shoulders, arms and abs. I need a lot of work on my core and can do the plank for just a minute but am aiming for 2. One machine I was envying was the moving stairs. I saw it on the Biggest Loser, where they climbed these moving stairs for over two hours, I thought how neat that was. My gym had them, so I accomplished a big THREE minutes on these moving stairs, climbing 8 flights in total. Then I almost collapsed from exhaustion, panting and sweating and with my heart racing. A real eye opener as to just how out of shape I am. But I love the stairs and will work on increasing my time every week. I also found out I love the elliptical. So much easier on my knees and feet. No more pounding it out on the treadmill. I hope to try some of the group classes they offer but after Barbara's post about Zumba, I think I might choose something requiring less coordination.

Monday night, I was so sore, it hurt to turn over in bed! But all that pain feels good in a bizarre sort of way. I am banking on the fact that all those muscles are growing and holding water and sabotaging my weight going down. I go back on Wednesday at 5:00 for more torture.

The other news this week is that I started my new job on Monday. I have a lovely little cubicle and even a window. The girl I am replacing is having a baby so we have only been able to spend a few days together. I am sure all hell will break lose next Monday when she is gone. Then I will have to put on my analyst cap and figure out just how to manage things. My new boss is a good resource so I don't feel too stressed. There is a large IKEA store across the street so I popped in to browse and get some lunch. I was only able to eat about half of the small quiche I bought and had to bring the salad home. Maybe I should have tried the meatballs and mashed potatoes.

And for those that don't know, Thursday, July 1st is Canada Day. Lots of BBQ's, fireworks and drinking. Since I live in Canada's capital, Ottawa, we have a big celebration on Parliament Hill but I have only been once. I don't like crowds and it is swarming with people. Even Queen Elizabeth II is here to visit Canada and join in the festivities. But it is a holiday and I am also taking Friday off for an extra long weekend. So bring on the party!

Potluck & BYOC

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I am switching to another group at work and will be working at a building just 10 minutes from home. My old group wanted to have a going away lunch for me, so I chose a Potluck. You know where people bring all sorts of band-unfriendly food. Well the Potluck was Friday and as I watched everyone put their food on the table I started getting a bit panicky. My band has been pretty tight and I knew I wouldn't be able to eat much.

I spread the food out on my plate so it looked like lots, ate slowly and every time I felt a bit of pressure, I would just start talking to one of my co-workers and waited a few minutes before my next bite. I know one of my office mates was watching intently as I polished off a tiny bit of everything—2 meatballs, 1/2 curried beef bun, spinach salad, BBQ pork, rice salad, samosa and a small slice of pie. I had to say my stomach had shrunk from not eating much food over the last few months and that I was stuffed. One even joked about how some people have the lapband put on their stomachs and wouldn't be able to eat such a lovely spread of food! (no one at work knows I have the band). The moral of this story is if you have any type of celebration in your honour, do not choose a potluck.

And now for BYOC
1. How many piercings do you have? Both ears have one hole in each and I too can still wear the same earrings from when I was 21 (35 years ago).

2. How many tattoos do you have? If you have none and wanted to get one – what would it be? None and never, ever, ever would I go through something so painful!

3. If you’ve ever suffered from a weight-loss plateau, what’s your best advice to get past it? I'm an expert at this one, having suffered through a 2 month plateau. I guess it is so important to know that it will break eventually, to never give up. The band helps with that since you can't go back to the bingeing. Getting enough fills to get you to the Green Zone/Sweet Spot got my weight going down again. Without hunger, without cravings, without always thinking about food. It is truly a wonderful feeling. I still do not write down what I eat, or keep track other than in my head. And yes I know chocolate covered almonds are not a "diet" food, but they are a food and sometimes you just have to have them, just like normal weight people.

4. This is a repeat. I liked last week’s challenge for BYOC and I saw a lot of people this week follow through on the promise they made last week. You pick one thing for just one day next week that you want to do….and mentally doing it for the one day can totally jump start more successes. And I feel like I can do anything for just one day. I don't make goals because my brain turns into anti-goal mode and I NEVER achieve it. But I did go to the gym and I did exercise and I did eat well.

5. Repeat *make someone a Superstar* question – what's your favorite blog or comment of the week? First was Drazil's post on anti-depressants. Wellbutrin saved me too. But I also loved Band-Babe's comment on Draz's earlier post. If you missed it, I am posting it after the poem Jabberwocky because it reminded me of how words which might mean nothing can still express emotions. Before you read Band-Babe's words, read the full Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll (from Alice in Wonderland). Here is the first paragraph.

  Jabberwocky

    'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

    Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

    All mimsy were the borogoves,

    And the mome raths outgrabe.

And here is the comment that Band-Babe posted after a dose of Ambien (and Band-Babe, I hope you don't mind, because this comment made my week because even though it looks like it was written in a foreign language, the emotion came through loud and clear). "And where do I belong? Friend I needed you two summers ago. We're all successful in too may areas, and so many judegements,,, I knew for certain I didnt belong. It turns out I bellong with my brother whos is coming out of the closet. Ny hight educvated brother in law goes against uignotanvre in an amazuing klogially and real wy, i am abvuioys beeb hit bt nts swkesleep musik anio no wine thi timeWe beking t9getger abausbst everttguybg we beeb dag-=yughtmk I'll come back to amaker ssense of thus lettrt if lynne wiuoo klet ner, i swear this s just abiernkk no winrr aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa9haaaaaaaaa9ayrtys9 I havek= lots t=o sat agbiyt tghuw ata kless inpairectm.l where do yuy fit in where diu 8iii-----==Oh, i;m lostk i want to purseue this off ambien. Love yuul. Lynk that's bfor bring this upl. swomtimes i feel all alowe 4vevn theought we all erelated, APlease lets tal about this more lkaterl I lvoer you!"

Lewis Carrol could not have said it better!

30 Pounds!

It took me far longer than I thought it would, but today the scale registered 179 pounds. Finally made my 30 pounds lost (13.6 kg) and also I am out of the 180's.

I can't remember the last time I had actually lost that much weight. The small earthquake yesterday must have shaken off the last few grams. It is now gone for good. And the Green Zone/Sweet Spot is holding. Sally mentioned remembering our word for the year. Mine was Believe. And boy do I believe. I believe that I will finally get off the next 25-35 pounds and I believe that I will be healthy and active again. I believe that this band will work for me in good times and bad. I have already changed some of my self-destructive habits—eating too much sugar and sweets, not exercising, dwelling on the negative and basically not caring about myself. Little by little I am whittling away at these habits.

So I hope that if you are just a little down about your progress that this post can bring you some hope. The band does work, with a little help from ourselves. I think that was the hardest hurdle I had to get over—my fear that I was the one for whom the band would not work. But it does.

I Believe.

Earthquake

Made with Superstickies.

BYOC and Teardrops on My Guitar

Since it is raining torrentially for the next couple of hours, here is my BYOC.

1. If your heart had a singing voice, whose would it be? I sing along with almost any song which is one reason I love to travel in the car all by myself. I turn up my favourite songs and sing right along with Andrea Bocelli, Avril Lavigne, Barbra Streisand, Il Divo, Faith Hill or Lady Gaga. And I love Taylor Swift, the reason I put her song, Teardrops on My Guitar in my title (and my son wants to marry her!). I even sing the background singers part too. I'm a regular one woman band.

2. What is your most disgusting habit? I'm perfect. Nuff said. I would never bite my fingernails or fart or burp. And I never swear. I want to set a good example, so remember if you ever get the urge to burst out with expletives (@#^$(*@%), just say to yourself, "What would Sandy do?"

3. Carmen and I were talking about Chicago and our fears...for those of you going (and those of you not you can answer as if you were going)...what is your biggest fear? Initially I thought all the same thoughts—no one would talk to me, no one would like me, what's the old lady doing with all these younguns... But then I got to know most of you even more by reading your blogs and have no worries at all. So I'll sit in the back corner away from everyone and if you feel left out, ignored, disliked, come see me and we will start our own party. The problem is I can't imagine that ever happening. I am looking forward to seeing everyone step out of their comfort zone. And I figure it has to be less revealing than some of those pictures you all posted of your post-op stomachs (I just couldn't bring myself to do that!). If you can do that, you can do anything. I am also bringing my laptop with me so maybe we should blog every hour of the weekend, to keep the others who aren't able to come, up to date on our activities. We'll be like Mary Tyler Moore in the big city of Chicago! 

4. This isn't so much a question but a challenge. Name one thing you will do for just one day next week in the name of health and commit to it on your blog and to us. There is something funny I have discovered watching everyone set goals. I don't do well when I say I will do something. For example the summer weightloss challenge. If I had joined in on that I would have gained weight. I have no idea why when I set a goal I fail but that is what happens. But to be fair, I will be going back to the gym again this week and trying not to eat too much junkfood. Will the Blog police come after me if I don't meet that goal?

5. Whose blog or comment stuck with you the most this week? I have to say my own post about loving all you guys. It was a lightbulb moment when I realized that I could actually lose weight and I was doing this because of the support from around the world. Thanks for all the comments. I would not be this far without being able to read the stories that you blog about.This isn't a diet, it's an adventure and it is so much fun! So thank you, all my booggers!

I am leaving with some pictures of me when I was little. It's nice to see where we came from. So pull out all those old photo albums and start scanning (for those of us who grew up in the non-digital world).

8 years old (1962)

13 years old (1967). I loved to bake and it was Canada's 100th birthday. This is two years after I was on the amphetamine diet which buzzed off a bunch of pounds. Sadly, they all came back.

15 years old (1969). The curls were Dippity-Doo'd straight.

That's all folks! And the sun just came out.
Sandy

Love You Guys

I've been reading many blogs over the last few days and realized just how dependent I am on your support and advice. We all love getting comments and it is sometimes a little spark in our day to know we are not alone in this huge world. I am sometimes amazed that I consider you all such good friends. My virtual support system. When I leave comments, I try to be positive and leave a word or two when I get the chance. And I mean well so I hope nobody has ever taken offence. I miss some bloggers who I still follow but who haven't posted for months. And I watch everyone shrink. To new bloggers: remember to visit other blogs that inspire you and leave a comment. We won't know you are out there if you don't reach out and let us know about your journey with the band. I follow many blogs who don't follow me, but I still leave comments because I care and something in their post hits a nerve. I know I started my reading way back around Christmas and am so glad I decided to use this forum for support. The advice and information has been phenomenol. I heart you guys (that's females and males).

The first blogs that I started to follow were Gilly, Gen and Cara. In fact I was one of Gilly's first followers. I found her first, so eat your heart out! I can't tell you how great it felt to actually have them follow me. I now follow more than 130 blogs and have many followers myself. Never thought that would happen. To those who follow me, I hope I can inspire just a little that this band will work for you. Because it will. I now believe it way down in my heart.

I was one of the most skeptical persons in the world and yet, slow as my weightloss is, I have hope. After 4 months since being banded, I know I will succeed. On any other diet, I would have given up and regained the weight. What stuns me is that I know I will continue to lose weight even if I have to suffer through more plateaus and some small gains. I know it will happen because I watch and check out all my friends. If you can do it, so can I. I know losing weight is no longer hopeless.

Perhaps it is the wine I am sipping or the varied posts I try to read each day, but I am trusting this little band wrapped tightly around my stomach. It is there to help me. I still have to work the band, but really when Buddy (my band) and I are in sync, we succeed.

This is me in October 2009 in a pub in London, England. Beer isn't really my friend anymore but wine is tasting pretty darn good. I will take some new pictures when I reach 30 pounds lost (soon). And yes that is Sunday roast with Yorkshire Pudding (my fav) and gravy!

I will now raise a toast to all of you who take the time and effort to blog about your life, the good, the bad and the ugly. If it weren't for all of the funny, sad, thoughtful, amazing, superfluous, heartbreaking, truthful, soul searching posts, we would not be the people we are today. So cheers to Bloggers. You have changed my life.

And as an aside, I make this strange error: I seem to always type bloogers about 90% or the time and have to correct it to bloggers. At least I get the "l" in the word or you would all be boogers.

Raw Carrots are Evil

Raw carrots are NOT my friend, in fact they are evil. I was trying to be healthy and bought a lovely vege/fruit tray to eat at lunch. The watermelon, cucumber & celery went down well, and then came the carrots. Well 2 went in but it seemed like 10 came back up. Haven't had a sliming episode like that for months. My esophagus is still a bit sore so will stick to soft food and liquids tonight. Live and learn. I think I will have to revert back to my cooked veges.

Carrots are now on my "Do Not Eat Ever" list. As a matter of fact, they are the only thing on that list right now. Do any of you have something on your list that you can't ever eat with the band? Maybe a good question for BYOC on Friday.

Just when I thought Buddy, my band had left me, it shows me who is boss.

Green Zone and a Crazy Week

These last few days has been crazy. Lots of Highs and Lows. My first high: After my teensy, tiny fill of 0.1 cc last Wednesday, I think I am now in the Green Zone. I don't think about eating or food for hours. I am down about 2 pounds in two weeks. That's how it should be. It took me an hour to eat about 1 cup of a shawarma dinner and I am stuffed. I now have leftovers for 2 more meals. Today for breakfast I had 1 egg, ham, cheese slice. For lunch I had 3 meatballs with BBQ sauce, a cheese slice and a protein bar. I didn't feel like any snacks nor am I obsessed with looking for food all the time.

Yeah for the band actually working. I haven't been stuck or pb'd which is really good, although I have some restriction and have to chew well and take my time. So if your clinic gives you grief about fills, stick to your guns. You know your body and how it is working. I am now hoping the scale will follow suit. And I still have another 0.1 cc waiting for me if I think I need it!

More Highs. Last Monday I started a new Team Lead position in my current building. On Thursday I interviewed for another position, still with the government, At the end of the 45 minutes I was offered the job which I accepted. New beginnings in a couple of weeks and relocating to a new building. It is a lateral move but at least I will be busy. The best part is that it is only a 10 minute drive from home, across the street from a huge IKEA store, Starbucks, an Indigo Bookstore and a shoe store. And did I say, it is only a 10 minutes from home. Someone suggested I ride my bike—Ha Ha—not me! I left the interview and proceeded to my going away lunch with the group I had left only days before. After my fill I was worried about eating fajitas so ordered a bowl of chili, which I couldn't finish. While I was away, my stuff was re-located to my new office for the job I had started a few days earlier. It had a door, meaning a private office! So rare in the sea of cubicles. I was able to enjoy 12 hours before I had to move back to my previous cubicle on Friday. But not before shutting the door and making a bunch of personal phone calls. It made my day!

I was floating on a cloud but then what was a day of Highs turned into a terrible Low. Leaving my private office last Thursday, I went to the gym to meet with my personal trainer. Second week at the gym and my luck finally ran out. After my workout, my lock wouldn't open. Thinking I had just forgotten the combination (age thing you know), I had to call my daughter to pick me up and take me home to get the combination. Still wouldn't open, so they cut the lock and the locker was empty. Yup, someone had cut my lock, stole my gym bag and put another lock on the locker. I was devastated. My iTouch and the keys to my car were gone. Nothing else but a dirty towel, BUT the girl told me to go check my car. It was open so I assume the thief had opened the car. My Coach purse was still there in the back as was my wallet and all my cards and nothing else seemed out of place. The gym girl told me I should cancel my credit card as she knew that sometimes they just write down numbers and use them on-line.

I finally got home 4 hours later, cancelled all my cards and couldn't eat a thing, although I forced a glass of milk down. Today I went back to the gym to get my temporary membership card and almost had a panic attack. I had to have them transfer my 4 hours of personal training to another club as I am afraid to leave my car parked at that club. It will cost us over $500 to replace the remote, change the code, rekey the car and another $200 to replace the iTouch. With deductibles, it isn't worthwhile to make a claim on our insurance. I have asked for some compensation from Goodlife (the gym) but don't hold out much hope. They have multiple clubs and I will go to the one near my home. I will now have to come home, change and not take anything with me. I will carry my keys and iPod with me all the time. They told me this happened before so be wary about keeping your car keys in a locked locker.

The last low is a good low. I saw 181.4 on the scale but will wait to change my ticker. On June 1st I was 184 so something is working. Keep it up band. I love u.

Today is an “F” Day

No. Not me. I’m a refined lady today. But a lot of you are using the F word. Stephanie with her Fiber Farts, Draz with her F*cking day, Jess with her Who-gives-a-frack-day! We have Cindylew’s Funny knock knock joke (I think you had to be there), Shea excited for all her new Followers, lots of pictures of Food, Gilly’s Favourite snack (notice the “u” in the F word that we use up here), some bloggers are Feeling yucky and Barbara is Feeling good.

And lots of Fills. I had a fill today so I guess I had an effing good day. I had 0.1 cc added even though the clinic said to add 0.2. No way. I can go back and get the other 0.1 cc whenever I want. It’s mine even though I will have to pay for it.

I calculated that 0.1 cc is equal to 1/10th of 1/5 of a teaspoon or ~1/50 teaspoon for those with limited math skills —maybe a drop. Surprising that so little can make such a difference. Here’s to being in the Green Zone, for more than a few days. So have yourself a great F-day whatever your F is today as long as it isn't Fattening Food!

Bizarre

I have a bag of chips sitting on the counter but I don't feel like opening the bag. There is also a bag of chocolate chip cookies but I don't feel like one. Is this band finally doing it's job. I am down another pound since the weekend. It took me 2 months to lose 2 pounds and now I have lost 2 pounds in 5 days. I have a fill at 10 am tomorrow morning for my teeny, tiny fill and may have to have him cut it in half. I don't know what is going on but I like it. Could it possibly be starting at the gym last week? I met with my personal trainer, Catherine, tonight and love her. I think we will work well together. I am sticking to the 1 cup of food at meals and it is keeping me for a few hours. Job is really busy and exciting.

Not sure what is going on but I'll take it. Green Zone/Sweet Spot, is it really you?

Holy Crapola Batman—What a Storm I Created

I party hearty for a day and when I start reading blogs I realized I had set a bit of a fire in the blogging world from my post on Friday. Please go read the comments. They were exceptional. But first I want to say ditto to the post by Sherry. It will save me a lot of typing if you just read her post. Secondly, I have poor Tracy Jo (TJ) worried that her comment might cause people to abandon her. Please go visit her and let her know that we will never do something like that. And since she has been so successful, her advice means a lot. And my BFF (bless her heart) thinks maybe I need to go to Overeaters Anonymous.

Hold the horses, people. I haven’t felt this special since I met up with Gilly a few weeks ago! It might be best if I just do a point form.

•  My plateau is over. Can we all have a collective Woo Hoo! On Saturday morning, the scales showed a 1 pound drop. On March 17th I weighed 184 and on June 5th I weighed 182.8. I guess all those vibes being sent through cyberspace, changed the world order and made my weight drop. On Saturday, I could barely eat. Breakfast was three small bites of a waffle (from my new waffle maker) and the rest went in the garbage. For lunch I could only get down half of a grilled cheese sandwich. But then dinner. Opened the bottle of wine which I have been avoiding and along with friends drank merrily. I was able to put away sushi, fish pie, asparagus (about 1.5 cups) and even a small piece of pecan pie (yes I know Pecan Pie is not a “diet” food). Here is what I ate this morning.

NO I DIDN'T!

This is what I really ate on an 8" plate: 1 egg, lean ham and 3/4 slice of toast:

•  My rant on Friday was precipitated by the NUT (nutritionist) from my surgical clinic. What didn’t come across clearly was her insinuation that I had been eating junk food and crap for the last 3 months and that was why I hadn’t lost weight and should be dieting. Some of you may not know this, but I did nutrition counselling for two years in the late 90’s as an RN in private practice. That was when I really saw that all people are not alike. To subsist on 1000 calories a day was a herculean feat for most. After a few months we couldn’t keep it up. Yes our weight dropped and stabilized but eventually went back up as the calories went up. I KNOW what a healthy diet is—lots of fruits and vegetables, good lean protein, whole grains, olive oil. That’s what I eat. Yes I dearly love my glass of wine and chocolate but 90% of the time I eat “healthy”. I do measure in my 1-cup container (see link for picture) but I had asked the nutritionist if we should be eating 1.5 cups and her reply was yes, if it was bulky stuff like salad and veges and such. I eat a lot of vegetables and greens, mostly cooked and that keeps me so regular and so full but so not losing any weight. And I clearly know that a cup of Peanut M&M’s do not match the same calorie count as a cup of asparagus. And a cup of French Fries is much more fattening than a cup of fish. But I don’t eat a cup of M&M’s or crap. I eat about 4 oz of protein, lots of veges and occasionally a bite of rice or potato. So when the Nut mentioned I should be counting calories, I lost it—WTF.

•  Diet is a 4 letter word to me. Since the age of 11 when I was on my first “diet” with the help of amphetamines, I have been told not to eat that cookie because it will make me fat. Not to eat French fries, ice cream, candy, chocolate, desserts… because they made me fat. Mostly all of us know what to eat, but we eat too much. That’s me. Some people can eat one cookie, I can eat 12 or 20. Some can have 1 bite of chocolate, I can eat the entire bag. We didn’t get overweight by eating too many vegetables. So dieting, where one food is forbidden doesn’t work for me. If I know I can never eat another cookie or piece of chocolate I rebel. I remember clearly my last supper marathon before the band. Being able to control the quantity is why I chose the band as my last chance to win this fight with weight. And that is what I wanted to hear from the Nut at the clinic. When I get to my Green Zone or Sweet Spot I won’t want to eat more than 1 cookie or a few M&M’s. It will also help me control the amount of protein, carbs and fats I consume so that I can actually live on only 1000 calories a day. Her only comment was that the nurses would have to advise me on the band. WTF (again). Your only clients are those with the band so shouldn’t you know something about how the band helps keep us to that 1000 calories threshold. Because willpower only helps for a while.

•  I don’t want to fight every time I ask for a fill to get me to my Sweet spot and that is what is happening. My first fill was a disaster and I was so tight I couldn’t even swallow my spit. After an unfill and healing period (March), me and my doc here in Ottawa thought it best if we try teeny, tiny fills. So that is my choice. Yes I pay each time I have a fill ($50) and so far have had 5 teeny tiny fills. I would have loved to just go for the 1-2 cc fill but am petrified of not being able to eat. And he will be getting an earful about the clinic and hopefully will pass on my frustration to the surgeons. I guess when they see so many requests from me they are just assuming I am a bother and they want to make me do it on my own. Crap. Fill the band til it works like it should and let me get on with life. To quote Sherry: To succeed, we need fills. Fills take the reins when we cannot. A fill reminds us to quit when we need the reminder.

•  On another point about recording what I eat. I don’t write down what I eat because I cheat. I don’t count calories because I cheat. I “conveniently” forget about the chocolate bar or 4 freezies I put in my mouth. This comes from all those “diets” I have been on. In the 80’s I went to Diet Center and Weight Loss Clinic (both now defunct) where the diet was 450 to 1000 calories a day. I can still remember what I was supposed to eat:

     Breakfast: 1 egg and 1 orange

     Lunch: 3 ounces protein, large salad of low carb veges with fat-free salad dressing, 1 WASA cracker

     Snack: 1 large apple

     Dinner: 3 ounces protein, 1 cup low carb veges (protein could only be fish, chicken—no beef, pork, etc, no fats or oils, no carbs)

In the six weeks I always lost weight. I’m surprised I didn’t collapse with anorexia. As I started to lose my inspiration I began to substitute because a calorie is a calorie is a calorie. It really didn’t matter what food I ate, as long as I stayed under the 1000 calorie limit, I lost. We had to write down what we ate and when (as I did for the multiple diets I was on, including WW, dieticians, naturopaths, etc). It would have a raised eye and a reprimand when I strayed from the diet. You think I didn’t know that having a cookie wasn’t on the list. You all know that feeling of superiority when they would be reviewing your Weekly Food Chart and highlight (yes with a yellow marker) all the bad things you had eaten. So I started to lie by omission. I would write down I had 3 ounces of chicken, 1/4 cup rice and broccoli with 1 tsp butter (~250 cal) when actually I had eaten a Mr. Big chocolate bar. I still lost weight because my calorie intake remained under 1000. So you see, writing down what I eat will not work after 45 years of yellow highlights. Being able to choose healthy foods because that is what I feel like is my goal. I don’t need someone jumping on my back because I eat something not on my diet. Judi said the same thing in one of her posts and I want to be at that place where the guilt is no longer hovering over me when I cheat because it isn’t cheating, it’s living.

I so appreciate all your comments and thank you for taking the time to jump into the controversy. This topic has come up a few times and everyone has their own tried and true way of doing things. My philosophy has always been, if it works for you, do it. If not try something else. I am a pig headed, F bomb dropping cynic. And I really am not against dieting because any low calorie food intake is just that, a diet. I have a terrible time sticking to 1000 calories a day or 3 cups of healthy food. It just isn’t enough to hold off the hunger. Thus I need the help from that little piece of silicon around my stomach, my band, my Buddy. It’s my last chance and to think I only got 10 pounds out of the band scared the crap out of me. I am counting on this plateau of 3 months being over and I will see the scales move. I know there are others like me that are sloooow losers. Support is our saviour and all of you my inspiration. So again, have a great day and speak out. One small little post can make a big ripple in the pond and maybe, just maybe change a life.

Did You Know We ARE Supposed to 'Diet'!

So I am a little peeved today. After all this time, I was told today by the nutritionist at the surgical clinic that yes, I should be counting calories and measuring my food and yes, those that lose weight usually kept under 1200 calories. And yes, you are only supposed to eat 1 cup of food three times a day and it is to keep you full and no the band isn't really going to keep you from getting hungry. WTH? Did I miss the memo or something. This started on Wednesday when I realized I have only lost 1 pound since my last fill. I only get teeny, tiny fills (0.1 cc or 0.2 cc). I think I have about 4.2 cc in my 10 cc band. Although I have to be careful to chew well, I can eat everything. Absolutely no problems getting anything down and I keep to the 1 to 1.5 cups. And all I think about is food so I thought I should have another teeny, tiny fill. I have a local doctor do my fills, so first I must send a request for a fill to my surgical clinic 5 hours away. They then send my doc the information to "fill" me. I then book an appointment with my doc. Long story short, I received conflicting information from the nurse and the nutritionist which led to a phone call today from the nutritionist (the idiot turd) and this is when all the points in the first paragraph were relayed to me. She implied that I have not been following the low cal diet and maybe, just maybe I had some mental problems. Of course I am completely insane, but what does that have to do with me not losing weight. The F* word slipped out a couple of times in frustration but not directly at her. She doesn't seem to have a clue about the band and eating. Now Gilly goes to the same clinic as I do and maybe she has had better counselling. I just don't think they know much when it comes to their long-distance clients. I told her my biggest fear is that after losing 30% of my excess weight that this was it. She didn't say anything. Does that mean I have spent over $16,000 to lose a measly 10 pounds since surgery! I don't think so. I am so mad, I will lose weight just to spite them. Guess that will show them!

So I have decided to listen to all of you because you have much better information. I know when the band is correctly filled, you won't notice hunger. I know this because I have experienced the no hunger for many hours and have forgotten to eat. I just want to be at my "green zone" where the band is controlling my intake and I know I am close. I did forget to eat lunch yesterday until almost 3 pm. I don't want to count calories or write down what I eat. That was for all those diets which never worked. It might work for others but not me!

I other good news, I went to the gym again on Thursday and tried the elliptical. What a workout that is. I meet with the personal trainer on Tuesday and Thursday next week so hope to get a program for weights. I told her I didn't want the nutrition speech which takes an hour and she agreed we could move right into setting up a program for me. Today I did about 2 hours of gardening and finally got most of my plants in the ground. It is supposed to rain all weekend which will give them a good drink. I have upped my protein intake and after about 30 years, tried cottage cheese again. Wow, it is really good, especially when covered with salt and pepper. I also tried turkey bacon and although it is a bit of a chew, it can certainly substitute for bacon when I make waffles in my new waffle maker. Tonight I am alone, but I bought the Alice in Wonderland DVD so will watch it later.

OK, I'm calmer now. It was either blog or have wine. Since I am on a "diet" I'm not supposed to drink. BTW, I go for the fill on Wednesday and talk to my real doc and ask his advice because I trust him. As long as they sent the e-mail telling him it is ok to give me a teeny, tiny fill.

Hoping you all have a wonderful weekend.

I'm a Gym Rat

I did it! My gym membership started on Tuesday and I completed a whopping 2 miles on the treadmill. I am so out of shape it is sickening. My knees hurt and since I was on the second floor of the gym I hobbled down the stairs to the car. But I will keep going because my biggest fear is not being able to do the things I love. I mentioned in a previous post how my DH climbed to the top of the dome at a church in London and I sat on the main floor waiting. I couldn't do that many stairs. But I will.

Onward and upwards to getting fit. I will be meeting with a personal trainer to set up a program using weights. I need to work on my core, flexibility and balance and also strengthen my knees and shoulders. I can't squat anymore. I also want to be able to kneel to garden but find it really hard getting back up. I look like an 85 year old. Age has caught up to me in the last couple of years as has inactivity and the weight.  

In other news, work is getting better. I am moving to another team starting on Monday and am looking forward to actually having something challenging to do. It is still with Application Development and supervision and I need to work on my vocabulary to avoid that F* word I so love.

I have lost 1 measly pound in two weeks so booked another fill a week from today. I can feel some restriction and can still eat almost anything. I am nibbling on too many sweets which of course go down easy. I think just a small tweak of 0.1 cc will help me feel fuller longer. I am afraid of being overfilled. Today for breakfast I ate an egg, slice of cheese and ham slices. Over the last week I have also had pulled pork on a hamburger bun, a bunch of fresh or cooked vegetables and fruit and fish galore. I do not write down what I eat, never have, never will, although they say this can help me recognize any overeating. OK I admit I know that a chocolate bar is not the best choice but writing it down is not going to stop me from eating it! Here is what works for me:

• I make a pledge to myself not to eat anything after 7:00 p.m. (It really works)
• I need to lay off the wine. It is too easy to grab a glass and probably the reason I am not losing weight as fast as I could be.
• I must eat breakfast which includes protein and preferably something solid like eggs, ham slices, cheese slices to get me through the morning. If I have oatbran (like oatmeal but higher in protein) I try to drink a glass of milk before I eat it just to get in the extra protein.
• I don't drink with meals unless it is a glass of wine but this will be less frequent (see point above). I thought this would be hard but so far it isn't. I drink about 8 glasses of water each day.
• Going to the gym or finding some other activities to keep me off the couch watching TV (I can lie there for hours watching TV).
• I only eat 3 meals a day (B-L-D of about 1 to 1.5 cups) and sometimes a snack when I get home around 4:00 pm. I think I will need the snack as I plan to go to the gym after work and have to figure out what to eat. Maybe a protein bar, yogourt, nuts, a glass of milk and fruit.
• Not eating out. This is hard for me because I find it convenient to just pick up something. I have been able to cut out the McD Happy Meals (no more toys to give away!). If I do eat out I try to find a healthy appetizer or split my meal and take the other half home for my lunch.
• Plan and cook more meals at home and freeze more stuff to grab for lunch.

Have a wonderful hump day because today, even the calendar said WTF.